Even if the end result is not what one little sliver of me still prays for, the bottom line is it may just finally bring me MY peace.
I think you have to work on your own peace, not look to someone else to do that or help you with that.
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But I tell you what, I will sleep a lot better at night and carry on with my life to the best of ability KNOWING that all the putrid things that were said to me, about me, and of the years devoted were not true. First hand from the mouth that spewed them.
I think you should already know that all those putrid things said weren't true. Why do you need to hear that from her?
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How many of us right now in your own threads feel a low sense of self worth? How many feel you aren't good enough?
I felt horrible about myself when I first got here. My X repeatedly told me what an awful person I was, criticized me, called me names. But at some point, I realized it's not what my X thinks about me, and I decide my own feelings about myself, and I think I've got a better sense of self-worth now.
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But, in keeping spirit with the reason I came here, I'm more than willing to stop making stupid mistakes that only pushes this person who has been so much a factor in my life further away. And, consequently, push the chance for our children to have a some what normal life even after all that has happened. I would rather our kids stand there 10-15 years down the road and say "yep that's my folks, they had it rough, but the pulled through, and I've learned a lot from them" versus, "yep that's my folks, they've hated each other half my life, don't understand why, but, it is what it is".
I hope you don't think I would ever not suggest reconciliation, if possible, in any of our sitches. I know it prob. seems hard to believe but I try very hard to be neutral and not engage in stuff and try to have a polite R with my X. I would always be open to that, and hope at some point in the future we could do do that.
But I do think when there is an OP, it is best for us to detach as much as possible, and move forward. You don't seem that detached from what I read, you are very focused on what your X says or does or whatever. I've found more peace in my sitch from detachment and working on that, and I think that is true in many of our cases.
What stupid mistakes do you think you've made? I've only followed your thread for a month or 2 now I think, but I haven't seen that. In fact, you seem to be doing everything very well; very much someone to admire I think.
