Newbie (again)

[dday101798]

That said,

I'm going on a 2x4 swinging melae for a second here.........

I understand some of you have X's that are still doing some nasty stuff, and for that you have my sorrow and sypmathies.

BUT,

What did EACH and EVERY one of you come here for? What was the one objective when you came here, crying and sobbing, hurt and devastated wanting one thing more than anything else in the world?

You know, I can joke along and vent and blow off steam too, it's good for the sole and for some where there truly is no hope, well 'it is what it is'.

I may still be horrified by the things my XW has done. I may be hurt, beaten battered and brused, but folks, WTF, if for one second, just one second, the person I devoted my entire life to, yes being the same person who dismantled everything about me and our life together, can have a moment of solice and has something to say, you bet your ass I'm going to listen. I want to listen, I need to listen. Even if the end result is not what one little sliver of me still prays for, the bottom line is it may just finally bring me MY peace.

So that certainly does not mean that I'm running back and picking up that preverbial rope, not by a long shot. But I tell you what, I will sleep a lot better at night and carry on with my life to the best of ability KNOWING that all the putrid things that were said to me, about me, and of the years devoted were not true. First hand from the mouth that spewed them.

How many of us right now in your own threads feel a low sense of self worth? How many feel you aren't good enough? And lastly, how many of us did 'all those wrong things in the beginning' to attribute to those things being said in the first place?

We've all had a long road to where we all are now in our own diificult times. For some, the answer to move on, is to simply move on. To some, it's years of therapy. To each their own.

The simple fact is and I've been trying to say. I KNOW the woman I once loved with all my heart is shackled up inside the person that years of mistakes, hers and mine created. I owe it to her, myself and our children to atleast listen one time with a non-subjective ear. Whatever the outcome may be, doesn't matter. Sure it'd be great to get that 1 in how many chance to be that couple that took losing everything to regain their identity. But I'm not counting on it.

But, in keeping spirit with the reason I came here, I'm more than willing to stop making stupid mistakes that only pushes this person who has been so much a factor in my life further away. And, consequently, push the chance for our children to have a some what normal life even after all that has happened. I would rather our kids stand there 10-15 years down the road and say "yep that's my folks, they had it rough, but the pulled through, and I've learned a lot from them" versus, "yep that's my folks, they've hated each other half my life, don't understand why, but, it is what it is".