Thank you Serenity for the kind post on my thread; my prayers are with you too. I have been reading along, but haven't had much to add to what others have said here. You are doing well.
You are very welcome Tristan and I thank you as well for your kind words.
I have had a few days of nothing but thinking going on, trying to weed out some things that aren't working, incorporating some new things...
I don't have the contact that I kinda wish I did from H however I am now ok with that...
The more I pull back the more he texts me out of the blue for asinine reasons, which in turn gives me a chance to put into practice all that I have learned here...
I am working on finding a place to live for the boys and I
They need the stability and I need space away from my family.
I am thankful for them however they can be very overbearing at times...
I have found myself turning to the bottle (very odd since I don't normally drink) more often then not so I have to rectify that as well...
I have realized that I am trying to do everything all at the same time...
My baby steps have turned into leaps and that isn't working because I feel overwhelmed most of the time so I am trying to go back to one step at a time...
Just trying to learn how to breathe again without gasping for air
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
I am at work just doing what I normally do and for some reason I can't get the "mind movies" to stop no matter what I try...I am not sure why they are playing right now however all I can think about is the fact that he was so very intimate with her (details not needed however I am sure you get my drift beyond basic sex)...
Makes me sick to my stomach and I can't turn them off - Do you have any tricks besides the "stop sign"?
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
2. Mindfulness or ("mindfulness cognitive behavioral therapy" if you prefer the Western term).
3. Doing an activity that creates "flow" (painting, sports, writing, whatever)
(and this one by O'Dog) 4. Doing and activity that requires intense constant focus (and maybe even an element of risk) such as juggling, riding a bike, rock climbing, riding a motorcycle...
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
Not that all goes smooth for the Dog. I know what I need to do but I don't always do it before problems get to me.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
This question is for Serenity AND me - I'm getting an urge to start swinging at two wonderful women
Serenity - the last couple of posts you made on your thread here have been answered by yourself (refer #1862467 - 10/26/09 09:54 PM).
I have a feeling that the only problem you have is that you're losing you "faith" in yourself and your aims. The advice you've taken on-board is all so very valid - that same advice that was given to me by your good self and so many others. Advice which WORKED.
I know situations are different in "peripheral" details - jobs, homes etc. but the basic, the BASIC thing here is to concentrate on ONE thing - and what would that be??? Answers on the back of a postcard please
The rest will take care of themselves because you'll be the correct frame of mind to deal with the rest of the "poop".
Here endeth todays pummeling
BTW - hope you don't mind me hijacking your thread to fill you in on the up's (and downs) of my situation
Are we sitting comfortably? Then I'll begin the condensed version
The W and I are still back together. Everyone and I mean (EVERYONE except the "friend") is happy to see this.
W found a good job with LOADS of responsibility which she loves. She's just received her first full paycheck and is feeling wanted and appreciated not only in our home but outside as well. She feels her worth. Things changed for the better - out of the blue!
I'm doing very well in sticking to the changes I've made in my life but I see problems in my W. It's damn difficult dealing with situations that re-occur that I know are "dangerous". It's like trying to steer a car that's pulling to the left all the time. Patience and lots of it are STILL required.
The W asked a question last night - "Can you see J being let back into our lives" and my answer "No. After this third time that our "friend" has been involved to ever greater extents the answer is a categoric no." W's reaction? Smiles. She KNOWS (because I told her - no mind reading required) that I'll do whatever is required to keep our future safe from all enemies foreign and domestic (you know the drill).
Friend is still trying to pull W's strings (and her fathers) but it's working less and less because I'm there for her. She discuss's things and with the lessons I've learned here, she's dead in the water
Serenity - stick with it - you've proved that you can take the hits over and over again. More than any person should rightfully take and come out stronger and more determined. Stay on course. I'm going to be your back-seat driver.
Thank you for the suggestions - Had I not been at work, I would have gone for a nice long walk however nothing seemed to work until I broke down last night after I got home...
Today is a new, better day
(((Mac)))
Forever my champion when I need it the most. I feel better today then I have in the last few days and you are correct - I was losing faith in myself. The tension was building and I could feel it which is what I think brought the mind movies on yesterday...
By the time I got home, I had a raging headache and was questioning every move I have made thus far so I picked up the phone and talked to a friend from Church...
After a nice cry, I felt much better. I got some decent sleep last night and actually ate something this morning. I have refocused back to myself and the boys and once again away from my H...
All is well in my land as long as I don't hear from him, once he contacts and puts me into the "Mommy" position is when I start losing it haha
No worries on hi-jacking my thread - I am just happy to see you again, happy things are going well even though the roller coaster ride isn't over...
Congrats to the Mrs on her job...
I will admit I am a bit worried about your W wanting the F to be back in the picture once again...
Please tell me you implemented NC once she decided to return home? The last thing you need is this "F" coming back into the picture and you having to start all over again...
Good that your W is coming to you and you are discussing these things together...
Keep that up! I am so proud of you and the way you are sticking to what works for you...
I will continue to stick to it (so buckle up my friend) however somedays the hits are just to many...
Somedays I just want to hit back.
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
Serenity, you are a strong, amazing, thoughtful woman. Any man would be lucky to have you.
Most of you don't realize this, but there is a "Notify" feature that you can enable on the forum, to allow you to follow a favorite thread, or a particular poster. I use it rarely -- usually only when I'm concerned about someone's physical well-being, or their severely distraught emotional state, so that I'll get an e-mail notifying me that they've posted to the board, and the e-mail will include a copy of their post, and a link to it. (Contrary to popular belief, I DO have a life outside of the DB boards, y'know. )
Anyway, I digress.
I've noticed a pattern with our Serenity. No matter HOW much of her own chit she's dealing with, my first "notify" e-mails about her every day ALWAYS are posts from her to others, where she offers support, advice or simply encouragement. THEN, the LAST one, will be her own post to her own thread, where she vents or asks for advice or just gives us an update.
That "concern for others, first" Serenity is what will keep you strong and okay thru all of this. The God I believe in protects people like you, and helps them.
