Am I at this stage?

[TrentC]

Hey Trent, i read somewhere that you are doing the coaching. Do you like it? Does it seem to be helping at all? Also, you knowing best my whole sitch, would you recommend it to me?

It's hard to say. I bought a package of three calls, so I had the initial consultation on Saturday, and I have a followup in about a week. I did like my coach though, so I'm looking forward to talking to her again.

I get the impression that if you pay for a single call, you get a slightly different format; one call is $150 and three are $390, so it's going to depend on your financial situation.

You will probably get a lot of the same advice that we all have been giving you, but it's good to have another chance to put it all into perspective.

You mentioned not replying immediately to texts or phone calls. Isn't that just playing silly high school games? I dunno, then when I get back to him and he asks why it took so long, what do I say?

* You tell him you were busy.
* You tell him you had your phone turned off.
* You tell him you were giving the kids a bath and you left the phone in the other room.

You have to create the understanding in his mind that you aren't going to be at his beck and call. This is where GAL helps; if you actually have plans and hobbies, you don't have to feel like you're deliberately avoiding him.

Also, this whole going dark, being mysterious thing. I have tried for example last week. And as soon as I walk in the door he is asking where I was. Well then what? So much for being mysterious, I'm not going to lie to the guy!

Tell him as little as he needs to know, and no more.
* You were out with friends.
* You had a dinner date.
* You went to your parents.
* You went to see a movie.

This is the guy who blew you off for 24 hours with no explanation (that I've seen you mention, anyway); why does he get a detailed itinerary of your life?

That would be another boundary to set: He gets to do whatever he wants on his time, and you have no expectation that he will fill you in on the details. So you feel it's unreasonable that he gets to grill you on what you've been doing.

When you commented on not practicing half as well as you preach, I feel that all falls back to the comment I made on knowing what needs to be done, and actually doing it, and how completely different they are. I need a big kick in the butt to get going and maybe so do you. He he

Exactly; this is a support group not unlike an AA meeting. We can try to keep each other honest, because we've all been there (or are still there).