Is this the end of my marriage?

[P17]

I thought I would update a little on how I'm doing. I know things haven't gone exactly to plan with the DB'ing and I'm still not entirely getting it but here we go anyway.

Yesterday I was actually feeling on top of the world. I feel like I am ACTing like what is happening is no longer bothering me. I had my say in Friday with my wife when the old me came out and gave her both barrels. I'm done with that now.

However last night I was at a friends for dinner and afterwards she went on Facebook to check out my wife's page and said 'oh my god there she is with the OM', I checked it and in fact it was my W with her brother, however a switch flicked in my head (or at least I felt it did).

The switch said to me that this checking, watching and bothering is in fact destroying me slowly.

I immediately went home after my friend checked this and later texted her to say that I didn't want to know ANYTHING more she heard about my W or the OM.

Tonight I was still strong. Another friend texted me about her Facebook page (why is it always about Facebook?!?!?) and I again said that I didn't want to know any more about the W or the OM as I was trying to move on.

This is a big step for me. I know the trigger that is causing me to feel the way I do and I'm now avoiding it. I don't want to know any more about what goes on with them as all it does is upset me and takes me away from my path of GALing. The less I know the better.

Something I read a while ago on the NMMNG forum, several times, was that the relationship for these guys started to fix itself when they stopped caring about it. I am trying to get as close to that as possible not because I want to necessarily fix it (although I do) but because it's easier for me to cope with.

Yesterday and today my W and I actually exchange phone calls?!?! This hasn't happened in about 8 weeks and although we both missed each other, the voicemails were there. I said to my W on Friday that I hated texts and IM because it has caused us so many problems in the past. She actually initiated the first call! She is also actually listening to me.

For me I have now made a decision - no more texts unless it's about boring factual stuff (ie. dates). I can't let her know how happy I am and how active I am via text - but I can via voicemail.

I saw my IC today too and she has given me some help with sleeping which I will try out tonight. I was starting to be afraid of actually going to sleep!

Apologies for the long post.