Update. Took a few days off from this site because it depresses me.
Continuing where I left off. We had both planned to do our own thing this weekend. So, I stopped by a happy hour with a running group that I'm part of and met up with some other people I knew. Then I came home so she could go out. Saturday we were going to switch and she was going to go to an early party and come back so I could go out.
So, I got back from happy hour and there was a little tension. She went to get ready and I sort of ignored her and started painting a ceiling in a hallway. She came back pretty quick from going out. We talked a little and she tried to hang out with me in the "guest" room but apparantly I was acting funny and she said how awkward it was and then her anger about everything serviced. I validated that I understood her anger and frustration of this situation building for so long but didn't go overboard. I then gave her space and went to the room I'm hanging out in now. She ended up coming over a few minutes later and giving me a big hug and cuddled with me in bed and aplogizing for getting angry but it's something that is hard for her right now. I said not to worry and then after awhile she went back to her room.
Saturday W had to work. I was doing more house stuff during the day and hanging out with D2. W came home in the afternoon and we were keeping it light and getting along. I think she had thought alot about us during the day or something. Anyway, she had a party to go to, but said she didn't feel like going and I said that I wasn't so sure I was going to go out either because it was nasty outside. I had grabbed a bottle of wine for the party she was hitting up to give to the person. She then said she was going to go and say hi to everyone and then would like to just grab dinner and movie and come back and hang out with me. We ended up snuggling up in bed and watching a movie. At one point she said it might not be a good idea because she was horny. I didn't act on it because I didn't want to confuse the sitch. She had changed into some skimpy outfit that was torturing me but I didn't take the bait.
Sunday W, D2 and I spent all day and night together. We went all over the place. Had a great day. Got along. I felt really connected to her for the first time in awhile. I was really listening to her and enjoying being with her. That evening she cooked me dinner. She ended up kissing me and hugging me. It then turned into a real kiss that we both enjoyed and she mentioned being horny again and that how she didn't want to put off the vibe that everything is ok now, but that she had a good time today but we still had alot of work to do. We talked about counseling really briefly. She was sore from working out and we stretched eachother out and gave brief massages. Then snuggled on the couch a little before going to bed in our separate rooms.
Monday After work I came home and we chatted some more and got along. On her way home, she slipped on the phone and said "I love you" to me before hanging up. I haven't heard that in a few weeks. I gave her a massage last night too. I had to get ready for a business trip I'm leaving on today (Tuesday) for the night. She said how she didn't want me to go either after I commented that I didn't feel like going. I said I need to go to bed so went to my room to lay down. She came in and asked if she could lay with me for a little bit. We just layed there and chatted for a few minutes before she went back to her room.
Tuesday She had told me to say goodbye if she was sleeping before I left today so I went and gave her a kiss goodbye before heading out. Haven't talked to her since. We both work today....
I'll be at my hotel later. I'll probably wait awhile until I know she's out of work to see if she reaches out to me first before I call her or anything. If not, I'll call before I go to bed to let her know that I'm alright.
We have alot of work to do. My outlook on alot of things have changed. I really had taken our relationship for granted until now and am being more thoughtful and constantly thinking about what she would want, not what I would want. I'm seeing alot more of wife who had gone missing the past couple days. I hope when I get back tomorrow night she is still around because I missed her.
BTW, I listened to the audio book version of the 5 love languages. Simple concepts that most "guys" like me just don't even think about. It just has me thinking alot more and I think it's paying off. I think I've found the balance of what actions she is responsive to and will continue to fine tune it. I feel like we are both taking it seriously and it isn't just me trying to save it at this point. I also think we both understand how bad it got and want to go slow and make sure take the right steps. She brought up the counseling again last night so I'm going to take the initiative and get it on the calendar.
Alright, long winded post, but I tried to keep it short as possible. It was eventful this weekend.
Me: 30 W: 29 D: 20 months M: 5 years T: 6.5 years ILYBNILWY and want to separate: 10/5/2009
