Am I at this stage?

[TrentC]

Wow. What would I do without you two? Everyday you open my eyes up a little more! I'm sorry Trent about the DR book, really I would have a copy in my hands if it were possible right now! I just can't find a day to go buy it! I have to travel 2 1/2 hours to the nearest city to get to a bookstore that has it! I am looking for the day! Maybe thursday. I'm free that day.

I was serious about contacting my alt email address. Do eet!

I'm trying to understand the whole BOUNDARY thing. I like the little post of examples, but what would an example be in this situation without making it sound rude or controlling? I need help with this extremely!

This is what I posted before:

"I know that you have a lot that you're thinking about right now, but the kids and I need to have some stability in our lives. So until you decide to move back in full-time, I don't feel it's a good idea for us to be romantic."

This might be more to the point:

"I know that you have a lot that you're thinking about right now, but I'm getting really confused by the on-again, off-again intimacy. So until you decide to move back in full-time, I don't feel it's a good idea for us to be romantic at all."

I right now live too much in fear. I base all my decisions and actions on fear. But if I ever R with H, our marriage will continue to be based on fear and that will not be a healthy marriage whatsoever. I think its because I want a quick success. The longer I prolong things be making him angry, or giving him reasons to pull back, the longer this R will take place and that's what scares me.

You seem to have grasped the essence of the problem. Your marriage is not in a healthy place; but this is a good opportunity to work on getting rid of the bad parts and keep the good parts.

Christmas is coming, and I want nothing more than for him to be home by then. I'm not sure if setting a timeline is good or bad. I can just imagine the responses I get from that comment. But its true.

The only response I have is that you have no way of making him do this. You have no control over it, so there's no use hoping for it. Read the Admiral Stockdale quote I posted again -- the ones that couldn't make it are the ones who set arbitrary goals that they had no control over and let themselves get beaten down when those goals weren't met.

My new goal for this week is to set that boundary. Now should I set it no matter what? Or only if he tries to pursue something? Not sure. I don't just want to jump right out there and throw it in his face unless there is a reason?

There is a reason; you had sex with him, then he blew you off for a day after he said he'd call. Tell him that it really threw you out of whack, so you need some emotional stability.