Let's focus on the four important people here. No need to think about "them". They may be happy, they may not be happy. That doesn't need to be important to you. If you are the best Treese you can be, the best Mom you know how to be, you are going to be happy. In time, dates like this will become less important. I'm not going to say they will go away, because he was a big part of your life for so long. But he, and the calendar for that matter, don't get to cause you grief now!
Well everyone I made it through the 25th wedding anniversary...alone...a friend did come over, kept my mind off the day a little...I did wake up and cried....I had had a nightmare also that included H....now how weird is that..
MIL's bday was the day before...I sent her a card but got no response..guess I really didn't expect to..my mom's bday was yesterday..H never called her either...
So...do you all think that they go for others who are not as pretty as their wives or husbands? I mean Im not God's gift or anything but everyone that hears about us is like wow...I can't believe he left...you are gorgeous..don't worry you'll find someone in no time"....that's not what I'm looking for...I loved him with all my heart, I gave him the world...treated him like a king....I thought he loved me too..
That's what I cant seem to get past. I thought I was the world to him also...like he said, "I was the glue that held the family together".
I know I'm venting....and holding on....I'm just waiting for those papers to arrive...then we start all over with the depression...
Take care all...
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
They do what they do. Who knows why... I think they may look for someone insecure that they can control. But you know what? It doesn't matter! Trying to explain what they do, or why they do it will drive you crazy. And it won't change anything, anyway.
Find yourself. Be happy with yourself. When you are read, I know you won't have any trouble finding someone to share with.
Treese, I have to agree with VH, they do what they do and when they want to. There is no rhyme or reason to their logic. The op in many instances is a few steps beneath them. They tend to pick them this way so that the op will have to look up to them and feel special that they were selected to tag along on their mlc trip. We all have seen some of their choices and let's face it, the op is certainly not a step up and in the right direction.
As for the card to your mil...you did the right thing. No expections from any of them right now. I'm sorry your mother didn't hear the the man/child, but I'm not surprised.
To get through this, you need to learn and accept that there are no expectations when it comes to the mlcer. If you are expecting him to do the normal, rational things that we know they use to do, you are setting yourself up for disappointment, heartache and depression.
Holidays will become easier if you plan to do new things, make new traditions and not rely on what you use to do for those special times.
I do hope your weekend is a pleasant one.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
well....Friday I got the mail...thought I was opening junk mail but it was from a bank that my H just opened an account with...just checking on his address change....so I did the stupid thing and called him on it.. Of course he lied...expected nothing more...once I said, "are you sure you didn't open a new account"..he admitted he did but only for the sake of having to pay half of medical bills for the "love child"..whatever! another lie...so I asked where he got the money and if he was hiding it he would have to come up with it anyway in the end...then I told him...I didn't really care that he had an account just that he lied, "AGAIN"....one thing led to another and he continued to tell me that his pay is getting cut, AGAIN!
The whole thing is starting to scare me.....
I did have a good weekend...the kids and I just did our thing..S12 hasn't talked to H in a few weeks nor has he seen him...H mentioned that he tried to call S but he wasnt answering or returning his phone calls...I don't force my children to do anything...anyhow...I've been having several nightmares lately....stinks...I hate them....
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
Treese, Learn to keep some things close to the vest. You got the mail from the bank. I would have kept it for a while just to see if he would inquire about it. I do find it quite interesting that he used your home address for this. Nothing is done by accident, he wanted your to get it and call him on it. He didn't have the guts to tell you he had opened another account, so what better way than for the mail to come to you.
I know you were angry about it, but choose your battles. Some battles are worth the wait...
I'm glad you and the kids had a good weekend. That is all that matters.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
He actually opened the account and used his sister's adddress...the only reason it came to me was because we used to have accounts there and security showed an address change..so he had no intention of telling me...HE LIES SO MUCH! It ticks me off sometimes..
Today though Im having a real tough time with my anger..so I thought I'd come here and vent...I talked to my son last night who has not talked to his father in a few weeks..H told me he has been trying to call him...so I told my son it would be nice if you call your dad and just say hi...so I texted H just to tell him S12 had been busy, blah, blah, blah...S12 did call his dad...i never asked about the conversation last night..
This morning on the way to school I asked son if his dad asked him what he was doing this weekend and he said "No"..did you tell dad what you were doing? "No"..talked about sports...fine..I dropped it cause I could feel my blood boiling..
Im really trying to get past the anger of him not taking his son to spend time with him or even coming to see him...this is a man who was with his kids daily until OW...who H says understands him, loves him, kisses him..just plain takes care of him...now that hurts but whatever...Im beginning to really dislike him...he's a jerk...my kids are the ones paying the price while he is having his fun..always going home to the love of his life, spending weekends playing and watching her kids grow up..and I'm sure his other kid..who I still haven't seen..I dont think I really want to anytime soon. AAAUUUGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!! Just so frustrated....had to vent it here so I didnt do it on him...
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
Forget about what he is doing. He's the one that's missing out. Your son, to a degree, but in my opinion it might be better that he is being raised by a great mom, and being shown how to live an honorable life, rather than getting overexposed to a cheating jerk, who would tell him what he is doing is alright. Your son not seeing a lot of your H might not be a bad thing, is all I'm saying.
There are better male role models in the world. Coaches, teachers, friends... they don't even have to be "significant others" to you to be examples in your son's life.
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
Treese, You have to find your center. You have to let him go and yes, detach even further. You are still allowing this man control over your thoughts and giving him too much head space.
You need to keep your expectatiions at zero and live your life as a single parent...that goes without saying, that in your mind, you need to think of him as on another planet w/no lines of communication or consider him deceased. Right now, his focus is on other things and I really hate to be blunt, but you and your family are the furtherest things from his mind. Accept that and continue to move forward.
Taking him to task everything he does something that you think is wrong isn't going to help your situation. In fact, it just may make it worse. Step back, document and try to keep a lid on the comments you make to him. The more you point out his wrong doings, the further he's going to stay away from your family. I know you've had it up to your ears, but if you want him to have anything to do with the children, you need to try something different w/him. You are not his mother! He's the one that has to face the consequences of his actions some time in the future.
Focus on the things that you do have control over and go from there.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
