The WAS and LBS is a game of push and pull. If you don't want to play the game, then don't.

Your H has already left you so if you decline any offer he makes to see you what else could happen? Nothing. If he feels rejected those are his feelings to own.

Right now he knows you will be available to him whenever he wants you to be. The message you need to send is he left and you are moving forward. And don't confuse moving FORWARD with moving on because the two are vastly different.

The next time your H asks you to do something tell him you have plans but you would love a rain check on the offer. If he calls, texts or e-mails you wait 24-48 hours to respond and when you do respond act all breezy, happy and light.

You are giving him NO opportunity to really see what his life will be like w/o you. The dynamic needs to change and you need to be the one to change it.

Now keep in mind I have been at this since March of 2008 and it took me a LONG time to get to this point. But my H also had/is having an affair so it made things MUCH easier to get to this place.

I went dark for ME and he could have cared less because it allowed him to carry on with his GF. A few months ago he sent me an e-mail and I gave him a very short, polite and happy response and within 10 seconds he messaged me back saying "gee, I guess I am surprised by your response and how vague you are but seeing what I did I guess I will have to get used to it". Yup.

I trust my H about as far as I can throw him. Even though we are communicating better he has done little to attempt to renew my trust which he says is very important to him. So, I just go about my business. Sure, I feel sad and upset some days because I am humane and not a robot but I do have a choice on how I let that be a part of my life.

His latest idea is once our separation papers are filed and its official he and I can get to know one another again and if things get to the point where we might want to work on things THEN he will tell his GF. LOL! Yeah, I took a pass on that one. That is one fantasy I will not be party to. As we all know two estranged spouses cannot really get to know one another again when a 3rd party is involved. And I can assure you I wont be the 3rd party to my own husband.

I am not mad or angry but I know that I am not worthless and for a long time I felt that way. I would jump at any chance to see/talk or message with my H. Once I realized it was all on his terms I started to see things in a much different fashion. You will too.

My H is actually a very cool guy aside from the past 20 months. We have lots in common but communication has always been an issue with us. I have worked hard in that department and I know he is trying but I just don't feel, at this time, things will mesh. He says he knows he has to do the majority of the work and he plans to but so far I haven't seen any work except two vacations with his GF in the past two months and one phone call where he really opened up to me. If that is the best he can do that cool, its just not right for me.

Eventually ALL LBS reach their saturation limit with the BS the WAS throws out there.