Am I at this stage?

[Lll54]

Wow. What would I do without you two? Everyday you open my eyes up a little more! I'm sorry Trent about the DR book, really I would have a copy in my hands if it were possible right now! I just can't find a day to go buy it! I have to travel 2 1/2 hours to the nearest city to get to a bookstore that has it! I am looking for the day! Maybe thursday. I'm free that day. I'm trying to understand the whole BOUNDARY thing. I like the little post of examples, but what would an example be in this situation without making it sound rude or controlling? I need help with this extremely!

"He will not think about changing until he sees there is a chance that he will lose you."

You are right Trent. This is a perfect sentence! It was like last week when he had to be here at home and i was running around like I had some new great life it bothered the heck out of him that's when this whole thing started to turn around for me. Since day one my H has thought I'm there no matter what, I have never given him and idea to think otherwise. So for him he can do what he wants say what he wants, take as much time as he wants, cause he knows I'll always be there. Well surprise! As soon as I showed him otherwise he began to fret. That day he expected me to be at home all day with them, cooking their meals, helping out with the children. He even expressed that to me then quickly put his foot in his mouth. And I caught him. So thanks Trent. Excellent piece of advice.

PDT,
The part you mentioned about doing the "right" thing to do is also an excellent piece of advice. That is what I am working on right now with my MC. I right now live too much in fear. I base all my decisions and actions on fear. But if I ever R with H, our marriage will continue to be based on fear and that will not be a healthy marriage whatsoever. I think its because I want a quick success. The longer I prolong things be making him angry, or giving him reasons to pull back, the longer this R will take place and that's what scares me. Christmas is coming, and I want nothing more than for him to be home by then. I'm not sure if setting a timeline is good or bad. I can just imagine the responses I get from that comment. But its true.

My new goal for this week is to set that boundary. Now should I set it no matter what? Or only if he tries to pursue something? Not sure. I don't just want to jump right out there and throw it in his face unless there is a reason?