WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 11

[confusedinpa]

I hope you can finally come to terms about your WAW and just have peace in your life. You may have to think of her as almost being like a child b/c in many ways...that is how she sounds to me. If you could think of her in that way...it may prevent you from getting so stressed when she acts whacky!

You will eventually make friends and build up your social life, but you have spent every waking moment thinking about your boys and trying to have contact with them. That is good, but you also need adult friends.

Mom,

I really have come to terms with my situation. I'm ok with it. Really I am. I doesn't mean that I don't get sad or disappointed at times, but I am trying to move my life forward. I have been trying to make "adult" friends here in NY. I've also started to run and am trying to rediscover what makes me happy. For a while, all I could come up with was people that made me happy. Now I realize I can not rely on people to do that. I need to find things that I can do that make me happy, either by myself or with friends.

So I'm looking at getting a motorcycle again (that was something I always enjoyed when before kids) as well as finding a karate/boxing school to attend. I'm also looking at getting a tattoo that my cousins and I had talked about for some time. My WAW was always opposed to it, but it was something I always wanted.

I believe a lot of what you feel is natural b/c it is like all the turmoil has caught up with you.....and your body & mind is exhausted. You've been through so much! Don't be surprised to see things turning around and good things happening soon. Your attitude seems to be at the right place now, where you will be able to move on and enjoy what life has to offer you. I agree with your cousin. Treasure the good things from you MR and don't hold on to the bad stuff. You are going to make way for a brand new life now.....so get ready!

Talk to you later,
Mom

Sometimes I feel like I'm slipping into a MLC, but think of it more in terms of meeting my situation head on. I didn't create this situation, but only I can make the best of it and turn things around. I'm not locking the door but I'm no longer looking at the door nor peeking through it to see if she is making any motion towards it. I truly feel I've done all that I could but need to move on with my life.

There have been women who have told me how "great" of a guy they thought I am. I never really paid much attention to it as I still felt like I was still working on my marriage. Maybe it's time I started to.....

As I told my WAW when I asked about dinner for what would have been our 10 year anniversary, I will always look back at the time together as a positive as I have two incredible boys that I will always love and cherish. That alone made the years priceless.

I have learned so much during those years and particularly over this past year. A dear friend of mine had lamented about how people spend so many years training/learning to be successful in their careers but there is very little relative to being in a relationship/marriage and as a parent. I feel like I've learned more in the past 9 months than I had in my entire lifetime.

I'm still learning everyday, about myself and relationships. So I know that I will be better trained for my next relationship so the outcome will be different.

So thanks for the encouragment mom :-)