Puppy...Coach...Robx...Steve McQueen: Looking for your usual honest thoughts about the following. This is going to be a long one, but I just finally came to the realization that this marriage is over and I need to work with reality.
I spoke with wife this morning and we discussed her moving out again. She is looking at apartments today and plans on "slowly moving out" between now and end of the year. She thinks it will make it easier on everyone. I agree that it will make it easier on the kids, but maybe worse for me. I suppose either way, the end result is the same.
I have already agreed to a financial plan that will allow her to pay rent while I keep up all other bills and stay in the house with the kids. It will be tough for a while to live in our family home and sleep alone in our bed, but it's better than living in some apartment. I would like to stay until the summer of 2011 and then sell the house - pay off debts and split what is left. There won't be much, but enough for me to make a downpayment on a smaller house and still live a reasonable lifestyle, since I make good money at what I do.
We have no liquid cash, but good equity in our home and access to a line of credit that we owe a lot of money on, but still has plenty of room. I have done the math and allowed for paying that off when the house sells - and my wife and I can both still walk away with some decent money.
Wife is asking to buy furniture for her apartment on line of credit. I know dbing says you don't help your spouse leave. But...at this point I am thinking it's time to not worry about dbing, but making things as comfortable as possible. For the sake of a few thousand dollars, do I start any kind of money talks? I don't want to be a doormat, but also don't want to add fighting over money etc to this, when there has been none of it so far.
It's important to note that my wife is still being caring and concerned for me, and is being very realistic about financial stuff. Neither of us will drag things through courts or anything. I will of course, make sure we have proper separation agreement in place - then be separated for legally required one year - then proceed with as simple divorce as possible.
I think I will always have the hope that my wife might come back to me, if I can really change myself. But...yes, I know I need to do it for me. I am aware that I have deep rooted problems that I never knew until recently. So..somewhere in my plan of not selling the house etc right now,is that it leaves the possibility of reunion there. But that is NOT my main goal. And over the next year or so, I may not even want that anymore.
Something hit me hard this morning, and I know I need to change everything. I need to accept the situation and start getting better and move on.
So..bottom line...at this point is it best to make her moving out easy, then focus on looking after myself and kids, focus on developing a life without my wife and once and for all, accept my future?
Am I being naive in thinking that we really can make this divorce a simple one in regards to finances if I don't rock the boat?
I rambled on here, but I hope you understand what I am asking. I also hope I have reached a turning point and can work from here. My thoughts and emotions are all over the place, so maybe I hope I don't slide back into thinking differently.
Am I doing the right thing by making her move out easy and just getting on with MY life?
