Sometimes we can learn from others. Last week my H had to come by to drop something off and when he did he brought me a chocolate bouquet. He purchased this bouquet at work as his company had a Lupus fundraising day and all proceeds from the chocolate sale went to Lupus research. (FYI: I have Lupus).
Prior to us splitting up my H and I did LOTS of charity work for the Lupus Alliance together. Obviously it is a cause near and dear to my heart.
It was a thoughtful gesture and nice of him to contribute to a cause that is important to me and I imagine still somewhat important to him simply by association.
It was nothing more or nothing less than a thoughtful gesture for a cause that means an awful lot to me. I took it for what it was, a nice thing to do. I am at the point where I can look at any exchange he and I have that way. That same night he also brought me a gift card to the market I shop at and the pharmacy I go to. He gets TONS of gift cards at work from vendors and it was nice of him to share. I simply said thank you for sharing your vendor prizes, I appreciate it. Lastly, that same night he said he had a pizza in the car that he picked up on his way home from work and did I want to eat with him. My response with a big smile? Thanks so much for the offer and my deep appreciation for the chocolates and gift cards but no thanks!
I meant what I said to him a long time ago, as long as his GF was still around there would be no us in *any* capacity. I will never be unkind, cruel or rude to my H but I won't get tangled up in a triangle with my H, his GF and me.
A few weeks ago I saw an offering for a free 40.00 online gift cert. to a golf store my H loves. I e-mailed him the link. He said thanks and that was that. Nothing more, nothing less.
I attached no expectations or hidden meanings from his gifts to me (chocolate, gift cards) and he did the same when I sent him the golf link.
And really, once you do detach I think you will find it much easier to communicate with your spouse. Or I should say that has been my experience.
Eventually the blame game gets old and I wont play it anymore. That is not to say that certain issues don't need to be addressed but there is a better way to address and resolve them than with blame.
A few weeks ago my H was doing some mind reading and I kindly told him that if he had a question to ask me and not read my mind or project what he things without having the proper info from me. He responded with "sorry, my fault". I said to him lets not make this about fault anymore. Because really, how long can that go on before somebody has a nervous breakdown? (which I just about did).
