Still in the tunnel with hubby

[kjensen]

Venting.....

D14 got home from their finals marching band competition at 1:15am this morning(they were supposed to get back at 11:45pm-this is unusually late in and of itself)-they had to drive the kids back from Pueblo..a pretty long drive. So I waited up and texted dtr so I knew when she'd get home..I didn't wake H b/c he doesn't sleep well to begin with (and hasn't since the EA last year) and he was sound asleep.

So this morning he goes off about how D14 is too young for this band stuff and its "killing her" and why didn't I wake him up... He doesn't think D14 should do band/drumline..she's doing it because she's miserable at home..he feels guilt for what we're all going through, he feels shame..he doesn't think we can go on like this. I agreed that we couldn't go on like this and something will change.

Then we're driving D12 to school and then to drop off my car at the shop..H didn't know D12 had a yearbook meeting at 8am and says "I can't be a good parent if I don't know what the kids are doing"..after D12 goes to school, H asks me what she had for breakfast and I say a bagel..and he asks "with butter" and I say yes. Then he tells me about her pitiful lunch she packed and all I feel is blame from him for being a bad mother...

So my rant...Since when did I become responsible for feeding everyone? Isn't H capable? He was sitting their on his laptop while D12 was making breaksfast. He could step up and help. He works less than me and brings home much less than me, drives the kids less than me and complains MORE. I've given him the kids schedules and he says he just can't keep it straight.. Well I can't get in his brain and fix that. I've suggested organizing things for the house but he doesn't want that...

If I do give him logistical info then he complains that thats all we talk about! No winning, of course...but sometimes I don't always believe this is the MLC, maybe its just H (and the relationship with me)...It makes me pretty sad and this is the kind of time I feel like just giving up. If he wanted to walk away-I would let him and be done with it.