For me I would not date (will not date) until our legal separation papers are filed. My H and I have not lived together since April of 2008 and he began an affair in March of 2008.
There are a few reasons I opted not to date and none of them have to do with my H. The first being was I made a commitment not to step outside the bounds of marriage the day I married my H and even though he chose not to honor that commitment I did, for ME. I never told him that of course but it was my personal choice. That is not to say I haven't made new friends and gone out but it's always in a group setting. And yes, I have been asked out on many dates and when I am I am honest... I simply say that I am in the process of becoming legally separated and I am not in a position to date at this time.
Dating when you are in the thick of the bomb dropping/separation/legalities is simply a distraction IMO. It creates a false sense of intimacy and those type of R's never last and even more people wind up more hurt.
I feel when you create a false sense of intimacy you really deter the progress you need to make on your own. You need to be happy as an individual and not attach happiness to a new R. How can you get to know yourself again as an individual if you are dating? Sure, it would be fun and exciting and new but all it does is push aside the work and feelings that need to be addressed and processed.
Dating and getting to know somebody new can be a wonderful thing but it should not be used as a tool to detach or heal. The detachment and healing needs to come from within and when another person is involved that gets pushed to the back burner. Eventually though the same issues will crop up in the new R and patterns will emerge that are not healthy.
This is all just my opinion of course. You should be going out and having fun and meeting new people and trying new things to jump start your independence but I would limit any "one on one" type scenarios. Putting the marriage aside, it will only complicate things for YOU.
My H's 20 month R is falling apart. He told me recently in the past month it's "not all roses" and they have almost broken up four times. He told me he jumped into this R way too fast and wished he had spent some time alone. He told me he jumped in this R because he needed to be filled up and wanted and the "high" of a new R was like a drug to him. His GF is crazy jealous of me even though my H and I hardly talk or see one another. She doesn't want him talking to me ever again. Plus, they work together which will make things *very* messy should this R end. And you have to wonder what type of person would sleep with a married man anyway. I suppose the buzz of a new R can easily cloud a moral compass.
As I mentioned, we are to sign our official legal separation papers this week or next. And now my H is wanting to keep the door open for us to get to know one another again. The grass isn't always greener. As I told him from the very start you don't get both - a GF and a wife. He chose. I accepted it. He lost out. Big time.
My point? Do what is best for you but don't use dating or another person to heal or detach because it just won't happen. All you are doing is delaying your ability to be happy on your own first.
