Got a text from her that said I want us to get along but I'm ready to move on. Tired of being in flux. Can't make you love me and tired of trying. Like trying to get blood out of a turnip.
I responded, So, you don't want me anymore and you're ready to move on huh? That was quick, do you have someone waiting for you or someone who is interested in you?
Her response at 2 in the morning(yeah, it woke me up) No, I'm just tired of this. I'm tired of hearing how hard it is to decide what to do. I screwed up and you don't want me. Let's just end it and be civil about it.
So, here's my take on this. She sees that she can't control me anymore and she's tired of trying. I think she loves me but I don't think she's going to try to change her behavior to try to make this work so we would be a team. Her first text is an indicator to me, "Can't make you love me and tired of trying." How can you make someone do anything? You control them, that's how. You can't make someone love, it's a choice. I still love her, I just don't love her behavior. It's damn disappointing that she can't see this.
Any thoughts? And no, I haven't responded to the last text.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
I responded, So, you don't want me anymore and you're ready to move on huh? That was quick, do you have someone waiting for you or someone who is interested in you?
Do you feel better now John?
Grade: F
Have you learned NOTHING in the hundreds (thousands?) of posts you've received since coming on here?
So here's MY take on this: she is who she is. You have more than enough data to make a decision here that's in the best interests of you and your daughter.
Like our Commander-in-Chief, you're dithering. Call the question.
I am a little confused here on what it is you are trying to accomplish... You seem to have gotten off track.....
I thought the main objective is to reconcile? We have gotten her to the point where it has been quite possible, but you seem to have veered off from the principles that will do that....
You ever play any sports?
Get back to the basics... You are getting off kilter. You can NOT blame her for you being off kilter... Men who are successful with women don't allow that to happen....
Come on. She has been chasing you all over the place and you can't seem to reel her in? Oh Please.. spare me...
Back to the basics.....
Happy men are attractive to women... Therefore be happy Confident men are attractive to women.. Be confident.
DECISIVE men are attractive to women... (you have been looking very very undecisive.. very unattractive) Become decisive...
Men that seem to be going somewhere with their life are attractive...
Men who are emotionally strong are attractive.. (you sound emotionally weak)i.e. afraid of getting hurt, constantly bringing up the past.. etc. etc...
You want to see her or date her or whatever... Then do it.. Wishy washy is unattractive. Be decisive...
JUST DON'T tell her how you feel about her.. Tell her you just want to take it one day at a time. Tell her you don't WANT to talk about the relationship. You just want to have fun. You aren't commiting to anything. You tell her she can do what she wants and you will do what you want. Whatever happens happens...
You have to come across like no matter what happens it all is water off a duck's back to you. She wants to give up... Fine so be it.. You have given up too...Agree with her... "Yep, I agree with you that you can't make me love you."
Quit being so wishy washy.. You want to move this forward then quit being mean and punitive. (remember I told you that being mean and punitive is WRONG) Stop being rude. It is ok to be strong and decisive but it is counter productive to be tit for tat and constantly talking about how she "controls, or did this or did that"... Let IT GO MAN...
Make a decision... Next time she calls or texts and sounds like she wants to be with you.. Ask her to do something fun WITHOUT your daughter.... Have it planned, but make it sound spur of the moment.. Then GO DO IT and take charge of NOT talking about the relationship and just get back to the basics of having fun and being a man....
Before I had asked you about giving her an ultimatum about going to counseling. You said she would never do that. She is too controlling. Blah! Well that is your answer. Because with out HELP you guys are DONE.
Tell her that you are DONE as well. If she was serious about WORKING on YOU then she would commit to counseling as independents. You are tired of her immature games.
If she is too selfish and immature to GIVE anything then you have your answer.
Dont feel bad a lot of us were blinded by the initial LUST versus LOVE of the R. I would have never married and had a child w my X if I knew then what I know now. You will eventually feel the same way. Just be thankful the times you had and your beautiful daughter and LET GO and MOVE ON.
Happy men are attractive to women... Therefore be happy Confident men are attractive to women.. Be confident.
DECISIVE men are attractive to women... (you have been looking very very undecisive.. very unattractive) Become decisive...
Men that seem to be going somewhere with their life are attractive...
Men who are emotionally strong are attractive.. (you sound emotionally weak)i.e. afraid of getting hurt, constantly bringing up the past.. etc. etc...
You want to see her or date her or whatever... Then do it.. Wishy washy is unattractive. Be decisive...
JUST DON'T tell her how you feel about her.. Tell her you just want to take it one day at a time. Tell her you don't WANT to talk about the relationship. You just want to have fun. You aren't commiting to anything. You tell her she can do what she wants and you will do what you want. Whatever happens happens...
You have to come across like no matter what happens it all is water off a duck's back to you. She wants to give up... Fine so be it.. You have given up too...Agree with her... "Yep, I agree with you that you can't make me love you."
Quit being so wishy washy.. You want to move this forward then quit being mean and punitive. (remember I told you that being mean and punitive is WRONG) Stop being rude. It is ok to be strong and decisive but it is counter productive to be tit for tat and constantly talking about how she "controls, or did this or did that"... Let IT GO MAN...
Make a decision... Next time she calls or texts and sounds like she wants to be with you.. Ask her to do something fun WITHOUT your daughter.... Have it planned, but make it sound spur of the moment.. Then GO DO IT and take charge of NOT talking about the relationship and just get back to the basics of having fun and being a man....
Good luck
Get's three whistles from me.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I dont know that behavior is awful. AWFUL. who does she think she is the Queen of Sheba?
Too Controlling. Too Pursuing. Too Pestering.
"I dont care who you are friends with, just not her....." WTH, they're all potential girlfriends.
and Too Threatening.
"listen fu$#er, I don't know who you think you are but I'm moving back in here after my lease is up in Feb 2010 and you can't stop me."
OMG. Lord God King Bufu does that come with chips or fries and a freaking pickle.
I wouldn't care how attractive this woman is or how great in bed she was she acts like she owns this poor guy and its her right to torture him. UNATTRACTIVE! She still has some serious work to do on her behavior. The whole date thing would be a nightmare. She would talk about the facebook chick all night. Probably have a couple drinks then get threatening or storm out. Or god forbid some other women looked at John. Catfight?
Make a decision... Next time she calls or texts and sounds like she wants to be with you.. Ask her to do something fun WITHOUT your daughter.... Have it planned, but make it sound spur of the moment.. Then GO DO IT and take charge of NOT talking about the relationship and just get back to the basics of having fun and being a man....
Ok, I did this. I asked her if she wants to do something with me and she said no. She says she is done. She said since I've refused to take this woman off my friends list that she will make the decision for me in that I don't want to be with my wife anymore. A bit of a stretch--once again, it feels like she's trying to control the situation. I pointed that out to her. She said no, this is the only thing I've asked for and you've refused so I'm done. I said ok, have a good night and hung up.
The thing is, we've been on a few dates and she constantly brings up this woman. She's pretty much fixated on it. So, other than being happy, confident, etc, what else? Do I cave and take this woman off FB? I mean, what's next after that? What else do I let her control? I know you're going to answer yes Puppy, but what else am I missing?
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
"I dont care who you are friends with, just not her....." WTH, they're all potential girlfriends.
That's right, they are. She's got it in her mind that this is already happened though and tonight she said it's either her or this woman and since I've refused to choose, she will choose for me and we are done. But I have not had a relationship with this woman. She said, it doesn't matter. This is the only thing I've asked for. She said, I will do whatever else you want, I'll go to counseling, won't bitch at you, will have more sex with you, etc. But you have to take this woman off FB or else I'm done, as a matter of fact I am already done. She said, if I don't care I can't get hurt. So, she doesn't care now apparently. I guess I have my answer.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
