LFH, just my thoughts but it seems to me that the weekend of the retreat was you spot on the calendar to either proceed with the M or call it quits. I thought of Orich a lot reading your posts....except your posts did not have the desparation sound to the degree as Orich, but I think it was due to different personalities. I expected your W to have resistance b/c I think the retreat was her LRT where she could say, "I went to Ret. and it still didn't work out". I suppose it would be very hard for the LBS not to put so much hope into one weekend. Even though you knew that there were post sessions, I think maybe you had mentally dismissed it in a way b/c of your W's presistance of no post sessions. So, anyway, I think there was extreme pressure for both of you.

Quote:
She opens up at Retrouvaille, but not at home.


I believe it is b/c at Ret. she sees the sessions monitored by counselors and she may feel more "safe" emotionally b/c of them being in control.......IDK.

By what you've told us, she sounds much more willing to at least "stay" in the M now than she was before. She has to be willing to stay before she can be willing to work.....IMHO. I see that as the first step of reconciling. I do see you putting pressure on her by taking her temp. and trying to see how she feels or if she plans to D or not. I think that is not good and I hope you can stop yourself from doing that. Maybe that is part of the discussions in the post sessions.....IDK b/c I've not been, but I would think that would not be good.

You two seem to be on a see-saw and I hope you feel a lot better soon. At least the post sessions are giving you some tools and maybe you won't be at a stand-still.

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!