Getting Un"Stuck" - Giving My Burden to God

[tristan]

I asked if she had gone out Saturday.

Hi Stuck.

I wouldn't ask these questions if I were you. It comes off as controlling, not confident, not attractive. You should portray the "I'm not too interested with your Saturday night because I am already planning next weekend for myself" attitude.

If she brings up what she did then of course listen. But if she doesn't bring it up, she probably doesn't want to talk about it.

[tristan]

I asked if she had gone out Saturday.

Hi Stuck.

I wouldn't ask these questions if I were you. It comes off as controlling, not confident, not attractive. You should portray the "I'm not too interested with your Saturday night because I am already planning next weekend for myself" attitude.

If she brings up what she did then of course listen. But if she doesn't bring it up, she probably doesn't want to talk about it.

[sandi2]

I also slipped in the idea that I had a date with me. She was definitely not happy. She argued that she should have had the right to have the kids stay with her since I went out.

I agree with how you handled this situation. Your designated time with your children is yours to do however you choose. The above statement was her way of trying to control what you did! Glad you called her hand on it.

[MrBond]

Hey Gardener,

I don't recall who made them but they do have Theta waves. It does help to get the edge off.

Any other suggestions?

[MrBond]

Tristan,

Actually the question about Saturday was just to make small talk. After she said 'no' very softly, I figured I 'd just let her have her quiet time. I think it sank in to her that she was alone.

Oh well. On my nights without the kids I've been going out or playing games. I'm perfectly fine with these nights alone. I'm sure it's killing her.

I don't plan to have her walk on me any more. It's so sad to think how she's so indifferent. There are actually times that I don't recall when she was ever happy.

[MrBond]

Thanks Sandi. I guess it's the indifference that gets to me sometimes. I'm planning to try and not see her as much as possible so that she can deal with things on her own.

So strange how she can totally not care about anything I do. Doesn't even ask at all.

[tristan]

Tristan,

Actually the question about Saturday was just to make small talk. After she said 'no' very softly, I figured I 'd just let her have her quiet time.

Other questions for small talk:
"Did you help anyone today?"
"Did anything make you laugh today?"
"Did you learn anything new today?"
...

A couple of things about them. The answer to them is not a yes/no/fine answer. They force you to reflect on your day. They invoke positive emotions.

Finally, now that I ask them of my W and know that she will likely ask them in return; I look for opportunities to get them covered each day. It is good for my PMA.

[MrBond]

Ha! now those questions would have been pursuing. Been there done that. I've been asking her those questions for the year she's been home. Sometimes I get a response, sometimes just a shrug of the shoulders.

Unlike in your sitch where your W can actually verbalize, my W internalizes things. Been that way for awhile. I usually have to see when there's an opening and engage.

But enough of that. I've been done with doing that for awhile. We'll see what happens. Usually now when she starts talking it's to mention about the D. I'm past the fear stage. I just know what I want and am waiting for her to catch up. But if she's not fast enough, she's going to find me gone.

[Gardener]

Stuck,

Hey Gardener,I don't recall who made them but they do have Theta waves. It does help to get the edge off.

Any other suggestions?

Not really, no. Like I said, I have several. Some take the edge off, some aid my meditation, some exponentially enrich it. Amazing.

There are one or two that you can just leave on in the background of everyday activities or for falling asleep. Most are listened to while meditating.

http://www.therelaxationcompany.com
http://www.neuroacoustic.com/

[MrBond]

Quick question for the everyone, especially the WAWs. When your WAS says they are happy that you are dating other people because they just want you to be happy, do you think they really mean that? Or is it more 'fog' talk?

Will journal later.