I cannot live in a marriage where my husband is ..

[bluerain]

BeautyMe, this is what we like to call the "Last Resort Technique" You are done... done, done, done. And thats what he needs, he needs to see that you are absolutely dead serious.

That being said, DO NOT tell him that you are going to do this if you dont mean it. I cant emphasize this enough. Unless you are absoutely serious about this, just keep it to yourself, you could even set a date, something like "if he doesnt end his A by Nov. 15, Im telling him I want a divorce"

And I noticed something else in your post, you mentioned that you had "had control over him". This is a dangerous way to think about things. You cant control anyone but YOU. Dont try to make his choices for him, even if you were able to manipulate him into doing what you wanted, it would ultimately fail because it wasnt his choice and his change. You are only in charge of you.

Im glad that you are talking to your doctor about this, it will help you to be more effective in your DBing. I think that making a decision about your situation does bring peace, I think that a big part of it is being in charge of where things are going. You are finally in control of your direction.