Blackie I turn my back for one minute and look at all this stuff!!
It is good you have had this talk. I think what you are doing is working. For your R to work out in future she is going to have to make some changes too. Don't rush into anything before she shows she is willing to do that too. You can't go back to what you had before, you both need to change to make a future relationship work. It sounds to me like she is trying to twist a lot of things that are her problems and put them onto you. For example she complains that you never give her money when that is patently untrue and it is actually her who has overspent. Or she accuses you of having an affair when it is her who did this. It's like rather than take responsiblity for her mistakes she tries to deny them and use you as a scapegoat. That is not to say you did not make mistakes too, but it seems to me you are at least admitting them and trying to make things right. Perhaps it is easier for her to call it all off and wipe the slate clean with a divorce, than to try and start facing up to her problems.
I think she needs to realise that a divorce would not be the fresh start she may imagine. It would be difficult messy and painful. She would be left with the same problems but noone to support her in sorting them out. You need to make her see that a future with you could be a true fresh start for both of you. This is the way she will wipe the slate clean because it seems to me you would forgive her anything. I wonder if she will forgive herself so easily.
