Blackie, I'm telling you man...even if you don't intend to make a move on her, let her know that you WANT to. Right now, she is concocting a story in her head for every time that you have an opportunity to do something and choose not to. It goes something like this: "I am painting my toes and he sees me but he is acting like he doesn't, cause it doesn't turn him on anymore. Why do I try to get him to notice me? He never will!" And on and on.
If you are too mad or it is too awkward to make your move, well, no one will blame you for that. But at least let her know, at the time, that you want to make the moves on her and that you will restrain yourself until she tells you that it's okay again, since she's the one who put a stop to it originally.
Your wife is one confused chick. Her self esteem is in the toilet and she has been looking for validation that she is sexy and desirable from other people. That is what all these shenanigans have been about. It's too bad that her kids and family are having to witness this meltdown but she's lucky to have a rock like you.
I agree with Corri, btw, that she is waiting for some dramatic sign that you don't want the divorce. Not a "what can I do?" sort of hopeless attitude, but a strong presence that is saying to her "What will it take for me to save this marriage?" If she replies that it is too late, then ask her what it WOULD have taken. Then, memorize it all and tell her that you are going to become that man.
You know, Blackie, I know that you are hurting right now (and justifiably so) but you BOTH have pride to swallow here. So be the bigger guy (your wife is so f**ked up right now, that shouldn't be hard) and swallow yours and get on with the business of improving your marriage. I don't feel in my heart that yours is a marriage that is beyond hope.
Regarding the whole kissing thing........you know, my husband used to be like this. He felt that he was not that great of a lover, or that "other" guys were these Don Juan characters but not him, etc. He alone talked himself out of being the sexy guy that I fell in love with. I would always ask him if I'd be chasing him all over the place if he were really that bad! Anyway, what I wanted to say to you is that I think this attitude is a sort of cop-out. You may REALLY feel like that, but it is still a cop-out so that you don't have to confront yourself and your own fears. It is easier to say "Oh that is just not me" then to commit to kissing her passionately and try something new.
Here's an idea for you: Since you will more than likely get shot down on an attempt at putting the moves on her, why don't you write her another letter? She seemed to really respond to the last one. Maybe have this letter be a sexy letter of all the things that you would like to do to her but you can't because she's called a halt to all nookie. Show her what she's missing out on.
Just an idea that I would have responded to, so you can do with it what you will..
