? for people who have gone to Retrouvaille

[Trixi]

Well, we went to the first post session on Sunday.
I'm glad we went; I just adore one of the presenting couples.
Having said that; I'm feeling pretty discouraged.

One the way back, he said that he didn't know if he could commit to being married; but that he was open to going to retro and 'listening' to what they had to say and seeing if it would make a difference. It sounded VERY passive. He was expressing being unsure on whether he would be able to not do crappy things (like going out to the bar til all hours.)

I said something about someday he would hear about what it was like to have him come home at 3:30am drunk. And do you know what he said? He said "yeah. I shouldn't have done that. But you never..." I stopped him right there and said "Why is it that you can't take personal responsibility for YOUR actions? It was YOUR choice to go do those things. I was lonely, too, and I made a different choice. Stop tossing the hot potato back at me. Hold it and deal with it." grrrrrr >:(

I suppose the most encouraging thing he said was that he thought he might be getting closer to actually giving me a sincere apology for what he's done to me...I'm not sure what the hold up is, but that's fine, if he isn't ready yet, I don't want the apology until it is sincere and heartfelt.

I would have felt MUCH better if he had said something more like "I made crappy choices. I've matured. I don't know if I can commit to this marriage,yet, but if I do, I know how to make better decisions if we hit a rough spot."

Maybe I am expecting too much of him. This sucks.