What I have to say may sound rather ho-hum. But, nevertheless, I know of nothing stronger than you becoming the very best you can be. You have to find peace. You have to forgive yourself in order to move forward. I think your goal is to learn to like the new person you are becoming. When you accomplish this......then I believe some other things may fall into place. However, that old four letter word t-i-m-e. Time really does a lot for people if they will allow it to work "for" them and not against them.
I would think that your H needs space from you. Everyone has to heal in their own way, and their own time.....and hopefully, he will do that. As he sees you a minute or two at a time, he'll begin to see the wonderful woman you've become and it will tug at his heart strings. If your H is the man you need....then he will be able to find forgiveness and build a future with you. But if he isn't able to move past the hurt....and find forgiveness, then he is not the man you need to spend your life with.
I want you to remember something.....even though you committed a terrible wrong......you still have value. Don't settle for "less" in your life due to the fact that you made a bad mistake. You saw your wrong and you stopped it and are remorseful. You want to grow and improve as a human being. By the letter you wrote to your H.....you have so much love to give, so be careful with it, okay? Some man (hopefully, your H) will really appreciate it some day.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
