Ok, I have my grip back now. Hope that covers everything.
That covers a lot. And may I say it was quite brave on your part.
You have to start with forgiving yourself. You are human. You were depressed. Felt completely alone. Hold yourself with your own arms, rock back and forth gently and tell yourself (in the third person) that you are forgiven, exactly what you are forgiven for and exactly why you are forgiven.
Then get the DR book, stay on these boards and get to work, woman!
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
