She did go with me to my appt. She had made an effort in her appearance. Her hands were shaking. We got on well, a lot of light talk upto and during my appt. When we got home there was some R talk.
She spoke how we should keep things civil between us and not hurt anyone else in the family. She said it would not be fair to affect anyone else just because WE couldn't communicate Bingo - this is the biggest reason for our sitch. imo. How can we not affect anyone else? We have kids for Ch***s sake.
She spoke of how her depression clouded her thinking and that she regrets how she left, and that she left for the wrong reason - anger. She asked if i would have changed if she had not left. Would I have changed the same if she had said' If you didn't start listening and change I will leave you' she asked. She said that her EA has run out of money, and that the EA's wife may lose their house as they can't pay the bills.
When she first arrived she made a comment that lead me to think that she wouldn't come with me and the boys to a local yearly attraction. Now she said that she would like to go and I said I would pick her up at 7. We left on v.good terms and she said she needed to change to go out later.
With only 45 mins to go before I picked her up she rang. Boom. She very tearfully told me that something had come up and she couldn't go.
The boys were mortified. I was a mess inside - but the overriding emotion was ANGER. I put on a 'What if face', and told the kids we were still going.
On the way there I received a text telling me 'Tell the boys I am so sorry I couldnt' go and tell them that I love them so much'.
Well we had a good time.
It was such a shame after a day full of baby steps and good communication that it had to end on such a low. Anger. That she could allow something to disappoint the boys so much. Anger. I did not give her any reason to let me down like that. From other things that she said are going on in the EA's world, I can only think that the EA has had a bad day and thrown a spanner in the works - ie his back had gone, or his wife had asked for a D or something - like I could give a rats F**k. That he could spoil it -ANGER. Anger that she used the phrase 'whatever happens between us....' She is still unsure what she wants and only time will tell.
ANGER ANGER! ANGER!!
Regards, Gyn.
Cause all of the stars, Have faded away, Just try not to worry, You'll see them someday. Take what you need, And be on your way and, Stop crying your heart out.
