Can I save my marriage?

[TrentC]

So it has given me these great expectations, and now i'm in trouble cause I'm living because of them.

Bingo. And until you start to detach, you'll keeping having those days. You need to live for yourself and your kids.

I was doing so well, obviously making changes and they were lasting and I felt good about it. And I felt good that my H was noticing but now that he has given me that little bit, i'm stuck again.

I know how that is. I think most of us do.

Back to analyzing, and wishing and wanting...what a process this is! I do need to try and let go of those expectations but I just don't know how to right now.

OK, I'm about ready to ask you for a mailing address that I can send a copy of The Divorce Remedy to! Yer killing me here!

I will continue to GAL, I just feel like even while doing so I am still waiting for the day when I will see him again and hopefully get more great comments or actions from him.

For right now, that's not a bad way to live; just make sure that he doesn't realize that's what you're doing, or he'll continue to pluck at your heart strings.

Wait until he's gone for the night before crying, feign slight indifference to his plans (when they don't involve the kids, of course). Don't return his calls or text msgs right away, and only if they're important.

Trent, you're right, he is totally testing my boundaries. He is bringing up things that he is doing while we are apart to see my reactions.

Question -- did you ever clearly articulate any boundaries like the one I mentioned in your other thread? Has it been made clear that you don't want any romance from him until he decides to come home?

As for bringing his other activities up, mild indifference will work here too. "Oh, that's nice." "Hmm." "Good for you."

You do see that your new behavior is already having an effect on him, right? Would you have believed that he would be acting this way just a week or two ago? Imagine what things might be like two weeks from know. Or two months from now.

You're learning that you still have power in your relationship. Use it wisely, and you may get your happy ending.