BR: How about starting a new thread in the Newcomers section? I think those people are more experienced with dealing with infidelity and can help give you suggestions as to how to deal with the alien who is occupying your wife's body.
We will all follow you there and offer advice too (you won't get rid of us that easy) but I think they will be able to tell you what actions will work the best right now.
Regarding the haircut, I am of two minds on this one: On one hand, I think she is testing you to see if you are still willing to work with her. On the other hand, I think she is living in this world where only herself matters.
Perhaps you could ask her: "Am I to understand by you wanting me to pitch in, that you are willing to reconcile and work on our marriage?" That is prolly horrible DB'ing advice, so before you act on it, be sure and stop by the other areas of this website and get some feedback from other people who are dealing with the fallout of infidelity.
