Counseling conundrums

[TrentC]

He keeps saying that swinging is a minor issue,

He is wrong, or at the very least lying to you. An open marriage is very different, and I have yet to see one that lasts.

his biggest gripe is my lack of confidence. He says he can't deal with it anymore and is tired of trying to help me with it.

Sorry, but that is bullshit. He's trying to force his viewpoint on you and make it your problem. Don't put up with it.

Problem is that he's the only one who sees a problem.

That's because it is his issue, not yours.

And I can't understand why he was willing to share me to begin with. Since he got his fair share of playtime with others, maybe it was just "sanctioned cheating" in his mind all along.

That's exactly what it is. Like I said, I've known several people in "open marriages" -- I was even the other guy once or twice, well before I got married! -- and almost all of them break up at some point when one spouse finds a better partner than the one they (supposedly) committed to.

He can't make you accept the swinging lifestyle, and he doesn't want to give it up. If you really want to be with him, your best bet at this point would probably be to offer him the divorce he wants, and see if he changes his mind about the swinging lifestyle once he understands that You. Are. Leaving.

But I wouldn't hold my breath, and there are plenty of men out there who want to be faithful to one woman to put up with his BS.