Good for you. I haven't posted here much but I've followed and you've impressed me and given me much food for thought. Thank you. Best going-forward-detaching wishes.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
Things happened yesterday that made me believe my W is right - we're not compatible.
I'm OK with the M being over. I'm OK with moving forward in the most productive, unhurtful way.
I hope you're ok. I don't know that in one day you can discover your M should be over-for compatibility or whatever reasons. It took me almost 2 years to get to that point. I know everyone has different timetables, but...
I hesitate to post all this because it's going to sound like I've gone completely crazy.
My going out with a friend for lunch started at 11:30 and ended at 2:00 am. No, that did not include anything that "should not" have happened - we just kept doing things.
We clicked. It was clear at the end that there is a lot of potential there.
And yeah I saw her Sunday too.
W knew that I was "going out", but when she got home she said I was - her word - "giddy"
And she was devistated. Not that it was my intention.
I'm not DBing anymore guys. I'm moving on.
I told her, I'm not angry with you anymore, you're right that we need to move on with the D. I can be your friend, we can work through this together. So, just making this as productive and easy as possible.
I thought I was letting her off the hook. I really did. And now she's in more pain than she's been in through this whole process. It is difficult to see.
I told her, I'm not angry with you anymore, you're right that we need to move on with the D. I can be your friend, we can work through this together. So, just making this as productive and easy as possible.
Way back at the beginning a friend told me it's easier to get over someone when you have someone.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
Wow! Bill, you're an inspiration. You've reached it - detachment. I wanted to send my support but also let you know that your posts have really helped me too, in many ways. You're so open in your posts yet keep them brief & to the point. I feel like I've learned a lot reading them. So thank you.
You sound at peace, and you should know, you really truly deserve it.
I think that sometimes we just have to accept that whilst there are still finances that tie our Rs together, one or other partner will continue to get shafted. It's how we play that out that's important at the end of the day. Personally, I don't make a song and dance about it. I just write everything down, keep receipts and spreadsheets. If and when it comes to the end (please God that it doesn't) but I shall be ready and be able to prove what I have paid since H became a WAH.
Thank you Nell, for this advice. True enough for me - our credit card, checking & savings are joint & he's putting his "new" living expenses on them. I am going to record his WAS expenses - they'll be no 50/50 split on those! Sorry for the hijack Bill. :-)
