Bunny, I've been following along and I agree with Dia and others. You have to lay all your cards out on the table at the next MC. Get them talking. About real stuff. Stuff that hurts. Hurts you. I remember telling my shi**y MC once, "We keep talking about talking! But we never talk!! about issues. The issues!"
Your H already gave you your out. Go. Leave.
Do you want to return to swinging, "The Lifestyle"? Is this a dealbreaker? Then break the deal. If I remember from your first thread, your kids are now either pre-teen or teen, right? Do you think they'll never find out?
I'm familiar with swinging, never did it, read about it and know one couple who are into it. Yeah, they're open and yeah, there's the fun D&S sides of the equation, but my friend (acquaintance, actually) considers his wife his property to bestow magnanimously upon anyone he chooses.
Games, fantasies, roles (any and all) are best, more fun when played by two. Two who see and make love to and enjoy an entire, precious person - their, man their woman - with wild abandon, not just "do" a pulse with a set of orifices.
Well, maybe I've said too much but I don't see from your posts that what you are so desperately and honorably trying to save is worth saving.
Sorry to be harsh. You sound like a beautiful person who is being both used and abused and in classic "script" you think it's your fault and I'm just incensed!
Sorry to go on. I say all this as a man with respect and love for you as a person worthy of respect and love and much, much more.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
