Tristan, as in all things in life, you will not be able to control every single that happens, nor should you. I think you already know that.
Let's keep things in perspective. She has resisted his attempts to see her again (like returning the book). He called, she answered. She regrets it I am sure. All it did was make her feel bad, all the way around. She doesn't WANT contact with him. It happened that time. She was open and honest with you about it, I don't know how that isn't "transparent." Or how that is second guessing your marriage. All her actions indicate moving forward with you, so I don't think saying or implying she's second guessing because of one miserable phone call is necessary. Take it one day at a time. I don't see where her attitude in this is that she MISSES him so much and is undecided and waffling. It was one call and it wasn't pleasant.
He may continue to try. It makes him look pathetic, miserable, and selfish. It will not draw her closer to him. He is ignoring her feelings.
It is counter-intuitive to ignore a harasser but that is the best tactic. That doesn't mean you are ignoring the situation, just HIM. I recommend NOT confronting him, why? Because people like that don't think the way we do. A normal person would be intimidated, a weirdo will feel justified.
Ignore/bore him into oblivion, he will find someone else to get his drama. It's hard, but effective.
Last thing, your wife doesn't need any strong arm approaches. She's shown that she will now act in good faith towards the marriage, if not perfectly. She is probably being a bit naive right now, but don't panic, and give her some space. Giving her space has only brought her closer and closer. She is also confiding in her friends right now, apparently, and they clearly think the guy is bad news. They will also continue to influence her. You have NO IDEA how persistent girlfriends will be in this arena.
Stay cool...
I agree whole-heatedly Breakaway. I think on his next attempt, she will just hang up. Puppy, you mentioned that she should propose a solution. Does she really need to explain her "plan" or can she just carry it out?
