Divorced and want to reconcile...

[dday101798]

I think what Kimmie was trying to ask was, should you get the full blown chance to reconcille and your XH hasn't made any changes to the "issues" that made you feel the right to walk, will you accept him as is the second time around or potentially walk again?

Maybe I'm wrong, but that's my interpretation.

From what you post though, I think with enough healing time and some outside help, you guys can make it. Just for now, NO expectations!

Mar, I may have to run some things past you in coming days as a 'returning' WAS. My XW is starting to act 'weird' as well as her OM. We're supposed to have this 'big talk' soon, so if it's all ok for you? I still don't quite get the WAS mantality in my own world.

[christmas]

Kimmie Lee,
I have not been on DB for a while and just read your note. Thank you so much. I love to hear a success story. I want to have the same outcome as you and pray everyday for it. I have changed my appearance and am as friendly as can be. I feel as if I am in quick sand. I am falling deeper and deeper and he is getting more distant and seems to be more in love with OW every day. What did you mean by communication. I was unsure whaT YOU MEANT BY ow AND COMMUNICATION. i AM THERE FOR THE KIDS AND FIND GREAT COMFORT IN THEM. wE HAVE A NEW RELATIONSHIP. i HAVE ALWAYS BEEN THE OVER PROTECTIVE MOM AND NOW WE ARE GREAT FRIENDS AS WELL. i HAVE DONE EVERYTHING AROUND THE HOUSE AND ASK MY h FOR NOTHING. i ONLY TALK WITH HIM ABOUT FAMILY STUFF AND ALWAYS WITH A SMILE AND SENSE OF HUMOR. Sorry I locked the caps.I have no money for online DB but would love to have some advice from you. What do you think helped get your H to notice you? I am so happy for you. Good luck with everything and send me a note when you can.

[Kimmie Lee]

I think I was pretty clear. Will you accept your h as he is if you ever get him to come back?

[mar1713]

Hi dday,

Thank you for clarifying that all up for me : ) and Ask me anything, anytime, with all the help you've passed on to me, it's the least I can do!

Kimmie Lee,

Without getting into too many of the details on this site, my ex has some issues he may be unaware of and it is interrupting the "passion" part of his being. I've talked all about this with my very excellent counselor. I know that in saying this it would seem I don't accept him for who he is. Truth is, I love him, always did, always will. We have a great friendship now and we respect each other, not to mention parent our s better than we ever have these days. However, I would need for him to work on his part of the relationship so that it doesn't lead to the same result (which I tell myself it wouldn't, but to be fair to both of us, it would be beneficial if he would be willing to try) I look at it more this way: If someone has a wound, I'd like to see it heal, it doesn't mean I don't love the person for who they are, I just want to see him feel better and be able to do fun things again.
So, 1st my Ex has to want to reconcile but now we're just friends and 2nd, if he decides that's what he wants, then I will suggest the therapy and knowing him, I know he would agree.
Only thing I'm nervous about lately is that we've established such a working friendship, I hope he doesn't settle for just that, and not pursue more of a romantic relationship....at some point...

[mar1713]

Just re-read my above answer and wanted to make sure you all knew I was answering a question that pertained to accepting my ex as he is. I also want to make sure you all knew I wasn't passing blame at all. I have my "things" and I'm working on them too. It's no one's fault if they fall down and get hurt, we all have issues..it's only a matter of getting along with them

[mar1713]

Excellent Weekend! Halloween and trick or treating went great! Went to a local farm for apple fritters the next day, sunday and had a nice visit when picking up my s on Monday! My ExH also accepted an invitation from me to go to my nieces Reception Party, with our s, of course, we haven't ventured out alone as of yet anyway... (they just got married, privately 2 weeks ago) Things seem to be going along well. I'm trying not to read too much into things, but when we're getting along so well, having good times together, it's hard to do.

[RonD]

Mar,

Try not to have any expectations. Hard to do, I know, but it may save some heartache. I'm so glad to hear things are improving! Dates with the kids are a good opportunity to connect with your ex. I found that they gave me an opportunity to let my XW see the changes I had been making. She does see it, and is coming back. Sounds like things are coming along well for you; just keep doing what you are doing!

[mar1713]

Hi RonD,

How are things going with you..still great I hope! : ) Thanks for writing. It is hard not to expect things to move forward, but I just go on like we're best buddies and am always upbeat. I'm not even acting, I'm just really happy we have what we have right now and that it's going along pretty well! It does keep me going and I don't ask any questions because I don't want it to end and I don't want to get answers I don't want to hear. The other night I picked up our s and brought some stew over. MyEx gave me some of the dinner he made.. : ) We sat around talking for a while, then perused u-tube for a concert we saw together on one of our earliest dates years ago. I'm big on symbolism, so I take it as intentional since he knows me so well, hopefully it was like a sign. I took the liberty of inviting him over for Thanksgiving (I invited his sister and boyfriend too), I haven't got any response yet. I guess we'll see...

[RonD]

Mar,

Sounds like you're seeing some steady progress! I'm so glad to see that happening! With my ex, it started out that way, just little things. Hanging around and talking when she could have just left, conversations about the good times we had shared, etc. Eventually she started talking about a future with me in it and it's blossomed from there.

Right now, I have most of her stuff moved back home. I bought a new bed for us. We are (together) adopting my grandson (papers were signed last Monday) and are planning a future as "new" parents. We start cake decorating classes tomorrow; she's coming down tonight (we have a date) and she's staying the weekend with me and our son. Final move-home day is Thanksgiving weekend but I think she wants to move that up to as soon as possible.

I feel like a teenager falling in love all over again. She's been giving me lasting hugs and kisses when we meet and part. No intimacy beyond that and holding hands; we want to go slow and do it right but she has said she likes what I've been doing with myself and things look good.

This divorce won't be busted until we say our vows again but I think that's definitely in our future!

Keep doing what you're doing and don't lose hope or faith!

[dday101798]

mar & ron

Kudos to you both, keep your heads clear and keep it up!