Thanks for the words of support guys. I didn’t sleep very well last night of course. I was up until after midnight with calls from friends and family checking on me. It meant a lot to me. Of course, they were checking to see if I would do something silly.
I don’t plan on wasting her or the guy except on paper at the shooting range.
Corri. Thank you.
I don’t know what I’m going to do right now. I talked to her friend a couple weeks ago and told her I thought W was having an affair. But then I told her I loved her so much I would forgive and try to move on. My heart wants to do that but my mind is a different story right now.
Honey. Thank you. I tell others in the same posistion that it’s not over until it’s over. Soon, hopefully, we may be able to work things out. She said she will go to see her lawyer today. It may have opened up the lines of communication. I’ll elaborate in a second.
Joahann. Thank you. I did loose my cool last nigh. I called her some vile names including the c word. I know that hurts and I meant to hurt as I was. I shouldn’t have lost my cool. I’ll do my best to stay cool. I won’t do anything hasty.
Last night was a bad one for Blackrook. After finding W in car with a guy, “just talking” I cussed her out, called her best friend to tell her to expect a visitor and went home. While taking the trash out, I was hit with a spot light. It seems W called the sheriff on me. He called me to his card and of course I let him know I was armed. He called for back up and took the weapon. He then asked for my side of the story which I told him.
He then said someone had to leave. I told him I had already arranged a pad for her. She left and took the daughter who I now feel sorry for. She heard me on the phone and knows mommy was cheating. She also got to see me standing in a spot light with my hands reaching for the sky. They asked me to dump my booze because he said he feared I would get drunk and get mean. I allowed it knowing I wouldn’t. My brother stayed with me long enough to console and make sure I wasn’t going to hunt wabbits.
W shows up this morning before I left for work. She talked strong, I talked strong back. She then sat down and asked me what’s wrong with her that I can’t love her. Is she that bad a woman. I told her again how I felt. Of course she said the words meant nothing, it’s what I should have shown. When I told her how I felt, and I should have stopped, she dropped her shields for a second and put them up. She told me this is tearing her up and she would drive off a cliff. We don’t have cliffs in Indianapolis. Once before she said she would kill herself or split and let me take care of the kids. I fear for her safety in this respect. I plan on going home at lunch and removing all weapons to a storage locker.
We had a talk and I validated her points. I told her I know she hears me and wants to trust me but she can’t. I didn’t push any further. I told her we don’t know each other anymore and maybe we should try to find each other. Again she said I didn’t care. Maybe I shouldn’t have done it but I told her to go look on my pc if she wants to. My final letter to her was on there. It would explain it all. I don’t know if she looked or not.
In a dumb way, I look on this as an opportunity for reconcilliation. But I still feel bad right now. She claims this started in late September. I don’t know. She claims it wasn’t physical but who knows. She’s been tellling a lot of lies lateley. It took all I had not to do something to they guy. He knows she’s married. I have his plate and I think he’s married. Part of me wants to do to his marriage what he just did to mine.
Thanks Jiji. I’ll figure it out soon. After I finish being mad at God for this, I’ll ask him for his help in deciding what to do. I would like to slap her as well. But, I just threw her cloths on the floor. I was tempted to pour the cat box on it but I thought better of it. She doesn’t have money to burn for new cloths. I was thinking of the rib joint as something to do rather than sit around when retired. But, who knows, this may be the opp I’ve been looking for to move on to a dream. Who know.
Gang, I hurt bad right now… A lady just walked by with her scent on. I heard a ring tone like hers. I have to meet new folks here and I’m a wreck. I look high with the red eyes.
Did I push her into another guy’s car. I’m sure this guy is a vulture. I suspected at best there was two detractors but most likely one. One with a horrid agenda. Will this guy take care of her(our) kids? Will he stand by her when/if she decides to get the lump in her brest checked? Will he sit up with her when she’s ill? Will he be there next month? Would he die for her without hesitation? NO. I think he’s just there for a piece of butt. Miserable punk. I think I will need an extended session at the range or in the preacher’s office.
I wish I could leave work. I’m totally worthless here and I can’t stop the tears. The cops suggested counseling. I know I’m going. I hope I can get Angel to do it too.
