Sorry to just barge in your thread as I have not been an active participant prior to this regarding your situation.
You posted on a previous page you wondered how your spouse could be so dense yet so smart at work.
I have wondered this myself about my H. My H is *very* good at his job. He can have 5 phone lines going, 50 e-mails to answer, faxes flying in, vendor/team meetings, trainings, his management duties to attend to and he does all this while closing very lucrative deals all in a days work. He doesn't get flustered, he doesn't miss a beat, he uses ALL resources available to him, he negotiates and always finds a creative solution to any issue that may come up in a business sense. He will come up with 20 options to find a solution if necessary and find ways to communicate them to all parties involved.
If he could apply that same state of mind to his personal life it would be a true gift for HIM.
I have spoken to my counselor about this and he said its not uncommon for people who are very successful at their job to be very unsuccessful in their personal life. Reason being? Because at their job it is all mapped out for them. There are policy and procedures to follow. A protocol is necessary that they have been taught. The parameters are clear about what is acceptable and what is not. The resources available to them are clear. Essentially, for the nine hours my H is at work he has a plan he MUST follow if he wants to make money.
In real life though my H is very "black and white" and makes his choices on one option or another. If "work H" could teach "home H" a few things my H would be a MUCH happier person.
If there is a problem at work my H can't ignore it. He could lose a client therefore lose money. At home my H will ignore a problem until it festers so deeply he totally shuts down. Granted, we haven't lived together for 20 months but this had been an ongoing pattern for the 13 yrs. we spent together. Even now, when we do speak I still see that same pattern. He even sort of jokes about it... "you know me, ignore it until it goes away or just run". I have always wanted to ask him what would happen if he did that at work. He would not have a job. And that is why we no longer have a marriage.
The puzzling aspect is he is AWARE of this problem yet does nothing to change it. So any R that he has will eventually fall victim to the same problems we had. And no, I dont place the blame totally on him but HIS contribution to the demise of our marriage was his inability to "think" like he does at work and communicate his thoughts and feelings. In turn, I would get frustrated and try and drag what he was thinking out of him and conflict would arise. Then we would BOTH ignore the issue.
I know this doesn't offer you any sort of grand advice but I do think it's a pattern for many people.
