I don't think she ever truly believed you were cheating. She used that as a way to justify her own poor decisions.
Blackie, I'm so sorry for you right now. I know it must hurt like the dickens.
I hope this opens the lines of communication between you two and that you are able to come to a resolution.
REMEMBER: It aint over til the fat lady sings.
The best thing you can do right now is stay calm and don't allow her to bait you into any awful fights--that will feed into her feelings that she was justified in her behavior. Continue to be the good person that you are and let her see CLEARLY what she has done.
I was so sorry to read this last night. Lash out on the BBS, not at her directly, even though you really want to. Do not lose your cool,as that is what she is trying to get you to do. Sometimes when things get really bad, I get very quiet, just taking it all in until I have had the time and the information to form a response. Do nothing in haste.
Blackie think of me as one of those biased friends DBers are warned against but I would love to give your W a slap. And if I were not thousands of miles away I might come and do it! Please try to hold it together. Things had gotten pretty bad already. At least you know what is going on now. You must do what feels right and no one would blame you if you wanted to get out. Just don't rush into anything you may regret later on. As I have said quite a few times recently we all make stupid mistakes. When things get tough some people fold up. This does not necessarily make them bad people, just rather weak. Perhaps you may decide to give your W another chance if this is something that seems worthwhile to you. You wanted another chance yourself, so perhaps this may not be too much to ask. But that is not to say that things will not have to be very different next time around. You seem like a real nice guy and I think you deserved better. Let the future be for you now. How bout that rib joint? A restaurant of any type is a lot of work but don't leave your dreams until you retire. If you really think this is something you would enjoy doing look at if it is viable now.
Thanks for the words of support guys. I didn’t sleep very well last night of course. I was up until after midnight with calls from friends and family checking on me. It meant a lot to me. Of course, they were checking to see if I would do something silly.
I don’t plan on wasting her or the guy except on paper at the shooting range.
Corri. Thank you.
I don’t know what I’m going to do right now. I talked to her friend a couple weeks ago and told her I thought W was having an affair. But then I told her I loved her so much I would forgive and try to move on. My heart wants to do that but my mind is a different story right now.
Honey. Thank you. I tell others in the same posistion that it’s not over until it’s over. Soon, hopefully, we may be able to work things out. She said she will go to see her lawyer today. It may have opened up the lines of communication. I’ll elaborate in a second.
Joahann. Thank you. I did loose my cool last nigh. I called her some vile names including the c word. I know that hurts and I meant to hurt as I was. I shouldn’t have lost my cool. I’ll do my best to stay cool. I won’t do anything hasty.
Last night was a bad one for Blackrook. After finding W in car with a guy, “just talking” I cussed her out, called her best friend to tell her to expect a visitor and went home. While taking the trash out, I was hit with a spot light. It seems W called the sheriff on me. He called me to his card and of course I let him know I was armed. He called for back up and took the weapon. He then asked for my side of the story which I told him.
He then said someone had to leave. I told him I had already arranged a pad for her. She left and took the daughter who I now feel sorry for. She heard me on the phone and knows mommy was cheating. She also got to see me standing in a spot light with my hands reaching for the sky. They asked me to dump my booze because he said he feared I would get drunk and get mean. I allowed it knowing I wouldn’t. My brother stayed with me long enough to console and make sure I wasn’t going to hunt wabbits.
W shows up this morning before I left for work. She talked strong, I talked strong back. She then sat down and asked me what’s wrong with her that I can’t love her. Is she that bad a woman. I told her again how I felt. Of course she said the words meant nothing, it’s what I should have shown. When I told her how I felt, and I should have stopped, she dropped her shields for a second and put them up. She told me this is tearing her up and she would drive off a cliff. We don’t have cliffs in Indianapolis. Once before she said she would kill herself or split and let me take care of the kids. I fear for her safety in this respect. I plan on going home at lunch and removing all weapons to a storage locker.
We had a talk and I validated her points. I told her I know she hears me and wants to trust me but she can’t. I didn’t push any further. I told her we don’t know each other anymore and maybe we should try to find each other. Again she said I didn’t care. Maybe I shouldn’t have done it but I told her to go look on my pc if she wants to. My final letter to her was on there. It would explain it all. I don’t know if she looked or not.
In a dumb way, I look on this as an opportunity for reconcilliation. But I still feel bad right now. She claims this started in late September. I don’t know. She claims it wasn’t physical but who knows. She’s been tellling a lot of lies lateley. It took all I had not to do something to they guy. He knows she’s married. I have his plate and I think he’s married. Part of me wants to do to his marriage what he just did to mine.
Thanks Jiji. I’ll figure it out soon. After I finish being mad at God for this, I’ll ask him for his help in deciding what to do. I would like to slap her as well. But, I just threw her cloths on the floor. I was tempted to pour the cat box on it but I thought better of it. She doesn’t have money to burn for new cloths. I was thinking of the rib joint as something to do rather than sit around when retired. But, who knows, this may be the opp I’ve been looking for to move on to a dream. Who know.
Gang, I hurt bad right now… A lady just walked by with her scent on. I heard a ring tone like hers. I have to meet new folks here and I’m a wreck. I look high with the red eyes.
Did I push her into another guy’s car. I’m sure this guy is a vulture. I suspected at best there was two detractors but most likely one. One with a horrid agenda. Will this guy take care of her(our) kids? Will he stand by her when/if she decides to get the lump in her brest checked? Will he sit up with her when she’s ill? Will he be there next month? Would he die for her without hesitation? NO. I think he’s just there for a piece of butt. Miserable punk. I think I will need an extended session at the range or in the preacher’s office.
I wish I could leave work. I’m totally worthless here and I can’t stop the tears. The cops suggested counseling. I know I’m going. I hope I can get Angel to do it too.
BR went home for lunch and to take a few things out of the house. W was there getting ready to go see attorney. She began taking my Nascar stuff off the bathroom wall as if I was already gone. I talked strong she talked strong and we cried and what not.
The letter I talked about the other day on my computer. I told her this morning to read it if she wanted to. Turns out she did. She told me after our tiff, that letter was crap. She said I don't know what I want and she just wants it to be over. I did some bad things like a little pleading and thought about it and stopped. I think she did want me to do more chasing than I did. She then broke down and walked upstairs when I asked her not to play dirty. I can feel the conflict in her. She wants to trust and love me again but can't find a way. Her only way is to run and D. I'll keep dbing but I think it's over.
My brother told me to D and start courting her after a few months. I may.
Right now, lock your gun up and give it to a friend that you trust. The last thing that you need is to be carrying when emotions are so high and life s*cks the big one. You already acknowledge that you lost your cool verbally. Sometimes you lose control completely and that is what I am afraid of.
Baby, please, do this right now. Tell your friend when you give them your piece that no matter what you say or do that they cannot give it back to you.
Losing her is not worth losing your freedom or your life, even though it feels like it could be right now. Guns kill and even though you are a big target fan, give it up and do not go to the shooting range for awhile. You might think that a bit of target practice will make you feel better but it might just make things worse.
Please lock up your gun right now for your safety and the safety of your family. I've had a gun forced into my mouth and my kids almost lost me. You have to maintain your cool and get rid of this temptation right now.
Let us know what happens, I know that life is really black for you right now but we want to help you through this. Since she called the cops once she will do it again. I would too if I knew that you were carrying or had a piece available. This is not worth going to jail, and definately not worth taking the chance of harming anyone.
Right now, lock your gun up and give it to a friend that you trust. The last thing that you need is to be carrying when emotions are so high and life s*cks the big one. You already acknowledge that you lost your cool verbally. Sometimes you lose control completely and that is what I am afraid of.
Baby, please, do this right now. Tell your friend when you give them your piece that no matter what you say or do that they cannot give it back to you.
Losing her is not worth losing your freedom or your life, even though it feels like it could be right now. Guns kill and even though you are a big target fan, give it up and do not go to the shooting range for awhile. You might think that a bit of target practice will make you feel better but it might just make things worse.
Please lock up your gun right now for your safety and the safety of your family. I've had a gun forced into my mouth and my kids almost lost me. You have to maintain your cool and get rid of this temptation right now.
Let us know what happens, I know that life is really black for you right now but we want to help you through this. Since she called the cops once she will do it again. I would too if I knew that you were carrying or had a piece available. This is not worth going to jail, and definately not worth taking the chance of harming anyone.
Johanna
I took you advice before you even gave it. I just came from an associates home and stashed them there for awhile. She's a local Sheriff's deputy so I know they will be safe with her.
This is spiraling out of control. I called to get a copy of the report for my files. I don't know how it was reported but I think she reported it as a domestic situation. My mother and several other people told me she would try to do this. Make me seem crazy or what not. She knows even if she files for divorce, I can't be made to leave until the thing is final. The only way she can do that is to claim some type of abuse. I think that might be where she's trying to go with this. She is not the same person she was even 2 weeks ago. She's heading to uncharted lands right now and I'm not sure if I want to follow her there. I would like to stay a family and help her through whatever it is but right now, I'm not sure I have the energy.
I fear she's turning the kids against me. I told her something one of the kids said. She said she would rather live with me. Well I'm sure mom put the spot light on her and she denied it. Mom thinks I'm trying to turn the guys against her. She said THEY want me to leave too. She said I'm confusing them.
I may loose it all. I can't demand visitation for them. I don't know if she will let me even see them now. She's no doubt is out spreading the bad word about me to all who will listen. I don't care what her jive friends say, but I don't need the rep of a creep. I've never had that rep and I don't want it now.
The house is empty right now, I don't know where they went. I think I will leave myself and find something to do. Maybe I'll shoot some pool or go watch the planes take off and land. It's dark there, no one will see me crying.
Do you have a friend you could stay with for a week or so? I think you need to get away from the house for some well deserved R+R, regroup, get away from the war zone,give yourself time to think, and let her take care of everything, including the kids and the meals, for awhile.
I believe in the DB book, Michele calls this 'going dark' for awhile? No talking, no emailing, no contact, no nothing.
Hi Blackie
Here is a hug for you (((((((((blackie))))))))))))
I wish there was something I could say to make this easier for you but I guess not. I agree with Corri that it would be a good idea to get out the house for a while.
Blackie I don't know what you are like in person but over the net you come across as a really nice guy. Don't worry about what anyone thinks of you. People do tend to take sides when there is a split, but that doesn't mean they don't like you. Your kids are old enough to decide for themselves, just be honest with them. Tell them that you think of them as your own kids, that you love them and that no matter what happens between their Mother and yourself you will always be there for them.
I think that you and your W will both be able to speak more calmly and sensibly if you give it a little time. I really hope you can save your M, but if not at least you can stop the relations between you and your W descending into a bitter feud, which you may come out of worse considering the way the law is biased.
Yes, I really think you should get away right now. Also it is a good idea to see a counsellor of some kind- you mentioned your preacher or perhaps a counsellor connected to your church. Or I think you can ring the DB office for recommendations of counsellors in your area.
Take the time you need to get yourself together. Get some support and comfort from your friends. You deserve it.
Again, thanks guys. I didn't consider leaving for a week or so. I may just do that.
Last night was crazy in a way. I came home from my brother's and she asked was I staying. I told her I was and I was going to bed. 25 minutes later she comes in while I was on the phone giving a report of the happenings to a deputy I know and getting warnings from her.
Well she sat on the bed and wanted to talk. My friend told me to keep the line open which I did. She first asked me to print a copy of my letter to her. She said she needed it to see the good parts of me as she's blocked out all but the bad. She said it's hard for her to remember good times like I do. I told her that's all I have of her right now. She then said she wanted to be best friends and she wanted me to have a relationship with the kids because she knows things will get hairy with them soon. That's an understatement.
She then went into why didn't I show her I loved her like my letter shows. She then was saying she can't be loved by anyone and wanted to know why. I said the cart boy likes her what about that. She then said she doesn't know what he likes her for. Well I know but didn't say anything. She said she tired of being liked just for her big boobs. She wants people to know her like I do. I told her I don't like her, I love her and I could care less about the boobs. I stopped with defending and what not and started to validate what she was saying. Telling her I love her is dumb.
She wanted me to email the letter to her job so she can read it again. I guess as quick as I left yesterday, she read it.
She told me her cop friend was trying to get her to file a protective order against me as I had a gun in my belt and a bottle of booze. I told her I was told to do the same against her but I wasn't. She said she told "them" that they don't know J-----. When he comes in he has his weapon in his belt to take it in an lock it up and I sip my bourbon and smoke my pipe/cigar in the garage when it cools down so that's nothing new. I wish these outside influences would stay outside.
More to follow.
I wonder how much longer before I need to start a new thread. I hope her wanting to hold that letter is a good sign. Time will tell I reckon.
