kunstler...I did not misunderstand your story. I do realize that I sounded judgmental, but this is only because of the medium we are using. If I could have said the previous post to you in person, you would have known by my tone and my facial expressions that I wasn't judging you.
When I was married, I had affairs and basically ruined my marriage by doing this. Since that time, we are divorced, and I have spent many years studying the effects of affairs and cheating on marriages and on individuals. What I said in my post was not judgmental, it was based on years of research into the "what happens" to people who have affairs. I do not judge you, nor do I judge anyone else who has affairs. I am actually one of the few people who most people will ever meet who has a very big understanding of this subject. The tragedy from affairs occurs on all sides....not just the person who was betrayed, but also the person who cheated will experience tragedy in many forms. You are now experiencing part of this tragedy. A relationship that started out as an affair rarely makes it in the long term, this is simply a fact you will have to face...it is not a judgment.
In any case, I do apologize as I am sorry that it comes across as judgemental. I really do not judge you, and I do hope that you and your lover can work this all out. I am sorry for all that you are now going through.
