I tried getting intel and it drove my anxiety level way up. At this point I'm going to treat her as a room mate and worry about myself. If I somehow come across the affair so be it. I need to become the WAS.
I've come to realize the more I dislike something the more she is going to do it. I need to stop asking stopwhining and get back to: You still live here?
JJ
Yes treating her like a room mate is going to be effective... newsflash, she treats you like a roommate LOL! Haven't you noticed? She comes & goes as she pleases - she doesn't owe you anything, no explanation, no responsibility, nothing.
The room mate idea, scratch that.
Your stand is this (should you choose to man up and take a stand):
I DON'T WANT A ROOM MATE.
Tell her that all she acts like is a room mate and you wanted a wife (not WANT, WANTED, past tense).
Get the cardboard boxes, tell her to prepare to move out, this isn't a hotel you're operating. If she doesn't care about the marriage, you don't care about her living with you anymore and she can go live with the people she hangs out with till 4:30am - she might as well sleep there, at that point, 4:30am, what's the difference?! Add 2 hours to that, which is only 120min. and it's already 6:30am - she might as well sleep there, whereever there is.
You don't care anymore, the only thing is this, you've had enough and you're done and it's time for her to move on which means moving out.
Offer (very important) to help move her out, you will offer to help her pack and offer to help her move into her new place, tell her she has a couple of weeks, if she hasn't made any moves to do this at that point, the one night where she stays out, you pack all of her stuff (yes you actually have to do this) and put it on the porch.
Seriously, you guys want advice, you want stuff that works, we give it to you and you reply back "I can't do that, it's just not in me".
Well guess what, your wife knows this too, her balls are apparently bigger than yours, she owns you, you're conquered, that's why she does whatever she wants, she can and she will continue to do so because she has all the power in this relationship and you're the one posting on this forum asking advice on what to do.
I guarantee you she isn't on a forum asking advice from strangers, she's doing whatever she wants to do because she doesn't respect you anymore, she isn't attracted to you anymore and she can't love you if the previous two things don't exist. I'm being blunt now, I just got off indy's thread and he just replied back saying "I can't do that".
If you want results, if you want things to change, you have to stop doing what you're doing and start doing different things. Doing the same thing over & over again expecting different results is the definition of insanity (I think you can thank Einstein for those pearls of wisdom). So my question is... are you insane? If not, do you want different results? If so, can you do something different from what you're currently doing?
