New, my story

[Inaspin]

I am new hear.

I live in South Africa and have been married to my wife for 9 years, together for 14. We have a son of 2 years 8 months. me 30, W 31

2 weeks ago my w told me she did not see a path for us together anymore and that she loved me but not like she used to. She has done all she can and our differences are just to great.

We have had many problems over the years including drug, sex and infidelity from my side, I know we married to young (me 20 she 21) but for the last 6 years we have been stable. We had child and it felt as things were going to be happy ever after.

About 1 1/2 years ago we started to have problems again, I smoked marijuana and she "accepted it" she drank to much and became over weight after the pregnancy. Our sex life witch was never great disappeared. She met people through her work and started to go to kinesiology classes. I joined her but felt that they were trying to help our sexual problems and thought that this was not right and it felt to me like it was making it worse and stopped going. She continued and is now studying to be a kinesiolegist.

She has lost allot of weight and is exercising allot more now. She is allot more confident and I am very proud of this. She is also trying to get her own business off the ground again.

I never stopped trying. I stopped smoking marijuana 4 months ago. I have always tried to help her with our son, changing nappies, bathing etc. I play football on Thursdays and stopped coming home late on this night. Up until a month ago she was also still drinking regularly. I had made the decision to stop drinking all together before the bomb dropped as I felt this was the crux of all my problems. I was always determined to try and change but I have never been very good at following through on things I set out to do.

I was under allot of stress at work and we would both have a few drinks after work at night, but nothing to hectic. About a month ago I stayed late at football and drank to much, When I got home we had a huge fight and I told her I had done nothing wrong and that I was just blowing off some steam because I was under stress @ work. after that she was very distant to me until the "BOMB" dropped.

So this is 2 weeks later, I did everything that you are not supposed to do, I said what about our son, don't throw it away, I can change! please give me a chance to show you, and everything else you do when you are told the one you love does not love you anymore.

I have done some serious soul searching over the last couple of weeks, and realised that I don't like myself the way I was so how could my wife have loved me. I am really working on me and for the first time in my life I feel the beginning of a connection with GOD. (another thing that was a problem for her as she had always had faith) I don't want to tell her to much about this as I think she will think I am just saying that I believe in GOD to get her back.

I have backed off for a week now, my w still says "I love you" when I say it to her and still calls me "babe" she gives me a kiss when I leave or come home from work but that is the only contact we have. She is very cold towards me and does not phone or make contact at all like she used to.

The last thing she said about our marriage was she is going to let me try but it is not going to come from her and she feels at the moment that there is no way to save our marriage, but she did say she believes in miracles, so boy am I praying for one. I know I that once I have made peace with my self I will be a much better person, I only hope she will find it in here heart to let me in to it because I am sure together we could finally reach those heights she always dreamed of.

I love my son and here more than life and cannot think about a day without them in my life.

I am starting to work on myself every day, I just hope it's not to late.