Bobby....I can only paraphrase what the others here have spoken.
Marriage counseling is worthless if the other person doesn't want to go. Truly, you cannot fix this.
Coach's advice is right on. The biggest problem I see in this forum is advice given that contributes to enabling her. Affairs are unacceptable and allowing them is worse still.
After being here for over 3 years...reading...and knowing the likes of Coach, PDT, Jeff223, Bworl, Jack3Beans, KerryK....I can truly offer you the 'ONLY' advice that gives you the maximum chances you have to restore your marriage:
Let go and detach. Deepak Kapoor's Seven Laws of Spiritual Growth contains one that is called the Law of Detachment. He states that you can get anything you want in this world if you don't pursue it and seek it out.
I believe it.
It's a very simple concept but truly difficult to do. Some of us take months to years to grasp what it means. By grieving the loss of your wife and accepting that your marriage of the past ( the way it was )is gone, it allows you to get out your pain and refocus on yourself. By doing this, you can grow and change FOR YOU. In addition, the redirection of your energies towards yourself elminates the time invested in the pursuit and angst which truly is a waste of time and energy. It simply just pushes your W further away.
During this time, good things happen to us. We develop a new sense of self-respect. We develop a new feeling for independence and self-esteem. We throw off our fear and begin helping others. We metamorphose...into something grand.
Quote:
"Those who bring sunshine into the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves." ~ Sir James M. Barrie.
