Even though I am convinced there is a less than 1% chance of success, considering where we are, is it time to go dark? Time for LRT? Or, is it really time to move on? Unless, things change again we will be in the same house for 2 months and then on the family vacation before she walks out. DB Pro's what's the right thing to do?
Still the same old indy, you haven't listened to alot of what we've posted, and you still sound scared, insecure, worried, grasping at any idea that might turn this thing around.
Do you really want direction?
Seems like we give it to you and then you post for 10-15 pages and then ask the same question, I sense this same type of repetitive nature may be what turned your wife off.
If you really want a laundry list of items that you will do to change everyone's mind that you're not some weak man who is losing his world, I'll give you stuff but if I start hearing "I can't do that, and I can't do this", I'm pretty much going to stop trying. There is no use in giving advice to someone who doesn't want to take it.
Item #1: Cancel this family vacation.
You're doing it to make everyone like you, before you say no, yes you are, what else would be the reason for it? Your kids are in their late teens, they don't need a family vacation with you & your wife: most kids that age want a vacation from their parents and since they know that things between you & your wife are crap, you want to put them through a bunch of useless tension for what purpose? Your wife doesn't want to be with you anymore so you think you'll reward that behavior & attitude with a vacation: supplication at it's finest! I'm not enough on my own, I don't have enough value as is so I need to supplement who I am with gifts & vacations - maybe you'll like me more if I do these things and if you don't I'll be horribly devastated, why set yourself up for that type of misery?
These are things a weak & unattractive man would do.
You need to stop being weak & unattractive, you need to start taking control of your life regardless if your wife wants to leave you or not, in fact it's that attitude of not caring if she leaves or not which is probably going to make her stay more than if you do care - at least that's how it is right now.
It's not your insecurities, fears and doubts that take you down, it's you inability to recognize them and to become aware of them that hurts you the most. When you become aware of something it no longer has the ability to run your life. Take time to sit down and think about what your strengths, weaknesses, fears and doubts are.
A man knows who he is and what he wants. To know who you are you must have the courage to look WITHIN for the answers. Looking inward for the truth can be a scary thing to do. Most people avoid being honest with themselves for fear that they might find something they didn't want to.
Figure out what it is you want for yourself, NOT what someone else wants but what YOU desire - and I'm not talking about your wanting your wife. Don't you want to feel secure again? Don't you want to feel happy? Don't you want to feel confident & strong? You can't have any of these things if your self-value/self-worth is tied up into your wife and when she goes you'll be this broken worthless man. Her leaving you won't be the loss, not having those things I mentioned above in your life will be the real loss.
Indy I see some of you in the old me, and I really want to reach through this screen and shake the crap out of you and wake you up.
You get a handle on what it means to be a man and you won't have to worry about getting your wife back even after she leaves the home, once you turn your life around and she sees that the change is real, you will be the one deciding if she has enough value for you to accept back in your life - that's the scary thing about how this all works.
