A few posts ago I said she decided to wait until after November 7th to file. Yesterday she told me she would be filing on her own today. I haven't slept since and am pretty much a zombie.
Whe put the house up for sale.
She told me that she was where I am now (willing to work on the marriage) 2 years ago, but she stopped waiting and is now moving on. She said she can't imagine us ever being together again, she has no feelings for me and just needs this over with.
I stuck to the DB rules, but am so very sad. I keep telling myself that papers are just the start of the process, not the end.
She asked me to move out of the house so we don't have to continue moving in and out every week. I refused, but politely. I told her that it was my home as well and it was working well for the kids. I said I would not move out.
She told me that she can't stay at the old house because it reminds her of everything that went wrong in our marriage. She said she can't keep staying at her mom's house either. Well, that house has 10 years of memories and they are not all bad, she's just choosing what to see. I didn't make any suggestions, I just said that I was only willing to continue what we were doing and that I thought it was working well. I said I was leaving to take the kids to church and she said, as I was walking out the door, "I'll file tommorow". I told her that I wished she wouldn't, but if she needed to, I understood...then I left. I think she was pushing to get me mad...to get me to fight.
I've talked to so many people who have made their marriage work after far more then what we have gone through. Couples who were seperated for 9 months or more, couples who endured multiple affairs, couples who endured long term affairs, physical, mental and emmotional affairs, marriages that survived the death of a child, etc... It is amazing how many people do make it. I want to be one of them.
But I am tired. I am worn out and keep taking it moment by moment. I'm not giving up, but I am begining to wonder when I will see something. I know you will say that I have seen something, but when I do see hope, she quickly does something that dashes it.
I took soup over the other night because all of the kids were sick, very sick. So was my W. I called first, asked if it was okay, she said I didn't have to, I said I wanted to. She said okay.
I got their favorite soups from a take out place, as well as her favorite sushi and took them over. I set the table, dug the stuff out of the soup the kids didn't like and had dinner ready when she got home. I said good bye to the kids and left. When I left she mentioned drs. apprs the next day and I told her if she needed any help to just call, I was available all morning.
I left, and about 5 mintutes later got a call from my W. She invited me back for supper. I declined because I had other plans. She told me to let her know what she owed me for the food and I said she didn't owe me anything. Then we said good bye.
The next day I expected her to regress, and boy did she ever.
I stopped over to see our daughter at lunch (at my W's request) and when I was done visiting with her my wife took me in the kitchen and said "I appreciate everything you've done, supper last night, the house being clean when I got home, etc.. BUT it doesn't change anything, you understand that?" I replied that I did and she said "really, do you?". I said I understood and then got ready to leave...never showing anger, hurt, sadness, etc...
When I was getting ready to leave she asked if I could come back at 4;00 to watch the kids while she went to exercise class. I agreed. When I left the house the sign was not in the yard, when I got back at 4:00, it was. I didn't say anything, remained upbeat and cheery while I was there, but I was crushed.
So, it seems like instead of two steps backward each day, we take one forward and two back, which is good; but then she realizes what she is doing and plows full speed ahead.
So, critique me. Tell me what I am doing wrong. The only thing I can think of is being too available to help her. It is very tough to say I can't watch the kids, but I think I may need to do that. She'll need to change her schedule, find a sitter, etc... Is that too jerkish? I don't want to miss a chance to be with my kids, but she knows that I am there to help, and that won't be true in divorce.
