Newcomer, want to keep my hope alive!

[BigJohn]

[Big John & IWITW
I agree with you regarding meeting some of these people on the forums in person. They ought to put on a convention for all of us.

I've been saying this for a while. Here we have dozens and dozens of decent, caring, committed people who believe in the sanctity of marriage and inviolate vows and who persevere in the face of horrendous obstacles.

We ought to be dating each other!

Gardener,

Funny, that thought occurred to me too. It's an interesting idea but we are supposed to be DBing here not dating...although I have to admit some of the female LBS on here are rather intriguing.

[iwantittowork]

Wow, was just unpacking some more boxes at my apartment and found out that my STBXW had taken all our wedding stuff at our house, and tucked them in the boxes I had started to put stuff in upstairs.

I suspect that she wants to rid herself of all the marraige material as a way to move her past this, but who knows. It did strike me as odd, but it also hurt to see them in there..

[givingitmyall]

If you haven't already, put them away for safekeeping. Nothing good can come from looking at them right now.

[BigJohn]

Wow, was just unpacking some more boxes at my apartment and found out that my STBXW had taken all our wedding stuff at our house, and tucked them in the boxes I had started to put stuff in upstairs.

I suspect that she wants to rid herself of all the marraige material as a way to move her past this, but who knows. It did strike me as odd, but it also hurt to see them in there..

IWITW,

Interesting that you bring up wedding pictures. My W and I were talking the other day about splitting up all of our stuff and we ran into a little problem when it came to the wedding album. Seems my W wants it for some reason other than the pictures inside since I already told her she could keep all the duplicate wedding photos. I don't know why she would since she wasn't the one wanting to fight one iota for our M. For that matter, why would she want pictures of me in it? We didn't get much into the discussion before we were interrupted. If you happen to get a response from your W regarding why she wanted your guy's wedding stuff I'd be interested in knowing.

I'll check in later. Have a great Monday.

[iwantittowork]

BJ,

She didn't want the wedding stuff, she slipped it into my packed boxes of books that she knew I would be taking if/when we split..

On top of that last month she told me she took her wedding ring to have the diamond removed and placed in a necklace to give to d8.

Both of those seem to indicate a will to destroy anything about our marraige on her side..

Last night was very tough, I dreamed of STBXW all night, and they were not good dreams and kept me awake most of the night..

Dropped d8 off at school and saw STBXW who was cheerful and looked radiant... *sigh* that does not help at all.... I have to stop wondering what she is up to as it does me no good..

Interestingly, on my way out of school, saw STBXW's coworker from her classroom, and very close friend. She says. "Hi, and you look great". I said, thanks, and noted that without my goatee I look a little different..

Call me vain, but I hope she goes in and mentions something about the way I look to STBXW...

[Steve McQueen]

Interestingly, on my way out of school, saw STBXW's coworker from her classroom, and very close friend. She says. "Hi, and you look great". I said, thanks, and noted that without my goatee I look a little different..

Call me vain, but I hope she goes in and mentions something about the way I look to STBXW...

she wont. but you can be sure you will be seeing more of this co-worker in the future. one thing that suprised me the most is how some of my wife's friends all of a sudden wanted to be my friend when they found out our marriage was in the dumps.

[iwantittowork]

Heh, thanks SM, I doubt I will see her more, she's happily married women herself, and I don't see her often as she is my STBXW's co-worker..

I have a extremely busy week this week, so need to focus on that, and not much else. I do have a cocktail party to go to Thursday night that I hope to socialize a bit, although it's outside my normal group of people I would hang out with. May be fun to shake things up a bit, and socialize with some of the sophisticated crowd, see how I fit in..

[Gardener]

iwitw,

She didn't want the wedding stuff, she slipped it into my packed boxes of books that she knew I would be taking if/when we split..

Who knows. When she - and you - are in a better place, ask her.

Both of those seem to indicate a will to destroy anything about our marraige on her side..

=assumption on your part.
Hey, she didn't pawn the diamond; she gave it to D. Personally, I would only give my D something significant, something that meant something.

Last night was very tough, I dreamed of STBXW all night

My sympathies. These may well take a while to go away. 11 months later and 3 or 4 times a week I still get these "little reality dreamlets" in which I think she just said something or touched me or whatever and I awaken drowsily, answer her, go to touch her, or just look at her side of the bed and wind up dreamily saying out loud "that didn't just happen, did it?" or "you're not here anymore; I forgot," and go back off to lonely sleep.

I have to stop wondering what she is up to as it does me no good..

That's the key, the answer to it, isn't it?

Call me vain, but I hope she goes in and mentions something about the way I look to STBXW...

Okay, Mr. Vain, but I don't blame you at all, not one bit, and I hope she mentioned it, too!

p.s. Sorry for the almost personal hijack on the dreams thing. I do go on at times.

[iwantittowork]

p.s. Sorry for the almost personal hijack on the dreams thing. I do go on at times.

No apologies required here, I actively WANT people to hijack my thread, and post there own thoughts/feelings, etc, as it gives me new perspective on my own sitch, and points out things I have not thought about myself.

One of the benefits of this site, IMHO..

[BigJohn]

BJ,
She didn't want the wedding stuff, she slipped it into my packed boxes of books that she knew I would be taking if/when we split..

IWITW,

I'm not so sure that isn't a bad thing. I'm kinda hoping my W allows me to "safe keep" our wedding stuff, especially the photos. If the stuff stays with me, I will make certain that it is safe. With my W... well, who the hell knows. I'd hate to see some of this stuff go up in flames following the next predictable "crisis" in her life: 1) when OM drops her for another woman or 2) I find myself a new babe and get remarried. Plus in my sitch my W is going to be a renter and you know how things can get lost or damaged moving from place to place.

On top of that last month she told me she took her wedding ring to have the diamond removed and placed in a necklace to give to d8.

Both of those seem to indicate a will to destroy anything about our marraige on her side..

I'm sorry to hear about the ring. That sounds really mean and spiteful. I'm hopeful my W puts her wedding ring away somewhere safe and doesn't mess with it. I've already floated the idea of keeping it for her in my safe at the house or getting a safety deposit box at the bank.

Last night was very tough, I dreamed of STBXW all night, and they were not good dreams and kept me awake most of the night..

Dropped d8 off at school and saw STBXW who was cheerful and looked radiant... *sigh* that does not help at all.... I have to stop wondering what she is up to as it does me no good..

Don't forget, misery loves company. For all you know, she could be putting on a front for your benefit while trying to reassure herself that what she has done, which is to destroy her M, was somehow the "right thing". I recall the last time you mentioned you saw her she wasn't so chipper. Who knows what is going on in her head? I can tell you that with my W, I think that there is a lot of conscious/subconscious personal affirmations/reassurances going on in her brain. "Now that I've embraced the D, the worst is over." "I've really got my act together." "Everything is going to work out great once I $hitcan Big John, just wait and see." "I have such a bright future ahead of me!" Blah blah blah. As twisted as her head is right now, there has to be SOME doubt, even if she does have a OM. But you are right, you can't spend a lot of time dwelling on this stuff. Remember that whatever is going on in her brain right now, it's HER problem, not yours.

You know, something I've sensed previously in my own sitch (don't know if this is completely accurate- it's just a feeling) is that my W seemed to derive strength/confidence when I was down in the dumps emotionally. Now that I've detached- and I mean business when I'm dealing with her in the D process- she is not so smug and giddy. Stop letting this woman drain you. Work on detaching.

Interestingly, on my way out of school, saw STBXW's coworker from her classroom, and very close friend. She says. "Hi, and you look great". I said, thanks, and noted that without my goatee I look a little different..

Call me vain, but I hope she goes in and mentions something about the way I look to STBXW...

I can relate completely to why you would want things to go down that way. I doubt she will say anything to your W though. The best thing to do outside of detaching is to consistently look good, relaxed, confident and put together day in and day out. The dopey smiles and "radiance" may work for your W and mine to get them through a day or two but this type of superficiality won't carry them far.

Well time to hit the hay. Take it easy, I'll check in later.