Hey, Sunshine! I owe you an update on your sitch and I'll get on that ASAP...as soon as I can get more time away from the server at work that BLOCKS EVERYTHING!!!!
Thanks for the 2X4! I like it rough!
No, you ladies are correct, I need to back way off, take care of myself, and let her see that I'm ok w/out her. Let her see what she's missing by not being w/me. I think I finally am seeing the light again. In fact, I've told myself to dust off the DB book and re-read it to remind me of what I should be doing.
I'm also back on the computer as I posted when I got up and then started thinking about a few things while I was in the shower (I know, ladies. You can thank me later for the visual ).
I have been walking on egg shells. I have been too attentive to her and been too willing to live on crumbs. I have been allowing her to shove me away and instead of being a man and standing up for myself and letting her know that wasn't acceptable, I've been staying quiet, not wanting to upset her further, and HOPING she'll turn it around.
That is where I'm losing this fight - HOPING she'll turn it around. I can't sustain a decent R on "HOPE." None of us can.
So, I've decided that while I'm not ready to throw in the towel, I'm not ready to continue to let myself be run over in the process either. Thus, I'm not contacting her at all. She'll need to initiate it w/me. If two weeks go by, I'll say hello and see how she reacts. Until then, I'm not pushing anything.
However, when we do talk, I'm going to chat w/her very tenderly and very seriously about her need for some professional help. I realize that her seeking professional help may end up w/her not wanting to be w/me, and I'm ok w/that. I care about her deeply and in the end, the one thing I want is for her to be healthy and love herself. If she gets there and gives her love to another man, then at least she's very happy which is what is important.
Ok, I'm going to let her know that if she won't go, I'll go w/her as support. I'm also going to let her know that she can't give me anything if she doesn't love herself. Thus, if she refuses to go to therapy, I'll have no choice but to end things w/her.
I will tell her that if she changes her mind about therapy, to let me know and if I'm still single, I'll accompany her as her BF and if I'm not, I'll still go w/her as her friend.
In the end, I need to be w/someone who will love themselves so they can love me. I'm going to give GF a chance to be that person, but if she can't or won't do it, I'll have to make the decision to go in a different direction.
I'm willing to stick my neck out for her and offer to be there, but I can't do it w/out effort and results from her. Like my old sitch w/XW, I can only meet GF 1/2 way. She has to do the rest of the work.
Thinking this way has me feeling very confident again this morning and we all know how attractive that is. Thus, I'll be confident in myself and stand up for my needs. Even if she doesn't respond and take the initiative to improve herself, she'll at least be forced to respect me for taking care of my needs. She'll undoubtedly be attracted to me again and that may be enough to get her to go and help herself...or it may not.
Time will tell. I'm resolved to do this, so I'll have to keep you posted.
I think this plan and thought pattern will resonate better w/my lady friends out there. I think I am understanding it and "getting" it. About time, right?
).
