Hey, Sunshine! I owe you an update on your sitch and I'll get on that ASAP...as soon as I can get more time away from the server at work that BLOCKS EVERYTHING!!!!
Thanks for the 2X4! I like it rough!
No, you ladies are correct, I need to back way off, take care of myself, and let her see that I'm ok w/out her. Let her see what she's missing by not being w/me. I think I finally am seeing the light again. In fact, I've told myself to dust off the DB book and re-read it to remind me of what I should be doing.
I'm also back on the computer as I posted when I got up and then started thinking about a few things while I was in the shower (I know, ladies. You can thank me later for the visual ).
I have been walking on egg shells. I have been too attentive to her and been too willing to live on crumbs. I have been allowing her to shove me away and instead of being a man and standing up for myself and letting her know that wasn't acceptable, I've been staying quiet, not wanting to upset her further, and HOPING she'll turn it around.
That is where I'm losing this fight - HOPING she'll turn it around. I can't sustain a decent R on "HOPE." None of us can.
So, I've decided that while I'm not ready to throw in the towel, I'm not ready to continue to let myself be run over in the process either. Thus, I'm not contacting her at all. She'll need to initiate it w/me. If two weeks go by, I'll say hello and see how she reacts. Until then, I'm not pushing anything.
However, when we do talk, I'm going to chat w/her very tenderly and very seriously about her need for some professional help. I realize that her seeking professional help may end up w/her not wanting to be w/me, and I'm ok w/that. I care about her deeply and in the end, the one thing I want is for her to be healthy and love herself. If she gets there and gives her love to another man, then at least she's very happy which is what is important.
Ok, I'm going to let her know that if she won't go, I'll go w/her as support. I'm also going to let her know that she can't give me anything if she doesn't love herself. Thus, if she refuses to go to therapy, I'll have no choice but to end things w/her.
I will tell her that if she changes her mind about therapy, to let me know and if I'm still single, I'll accompany her as her BF and if I'm not, I'll still go w/her as her friend.
In the end, I need to be w/someone who will love themselves so they can love me. I'm going to give GF a chance to be that person, but if she can't or won't do it, I'll have to make the decision to go in a different direction.
I'm willing to stick my neck out for her and offer to be there, but I can't do it w/out effort and results from her. Like my old sitch w/XW, I can only meet GF 1/2 way. She has to do the rest of the work.
Thinking this way has me feeling very confident again this morning and we all know how attractive that is. Thus, I'll be confident in myself and stand up for my needs. Even if she doesn't respond and take the initiative to improve herself, she'll at least be forced to respect me for taking care of my needs. She'll undoubtedly be attracted to me again and that may be enough to get her to go and help herself...or it may not.
Time will tell. I'm resolved to do this, so I'll have to keep you posted.
I think this plan and thought pattern will resonate better w/my lady friends out there. I think I am understanding it and "getting" it. About time, right?
Where are you in this? Where are posts about your life, work, daughter? What are you hopes, ambitions, dreams?
Everything is wrapped up in this romance you need with your GF who continually asks for space. Everything is about how you worry about responding to her needs, wishes and desires. You denigrate yourself, saying you're not a man. You plan ahead of how you'll woo her, appease her, approach her.
Walking on eggshells is not healthy. Contorting who you are doesn't work well either. How can love be percentages? In my experience love is built from attraction (based on any of a number of variants) to friendship to trust. And to move forward in a healthy way, it's a two way street.
Where is Rob? Where is the dad, the teacher, the hunk, the lover of puppies? It's great to have a relationship if it works but the constant worrying becomes like an obsession, an itch you can't stop scratching.
It's okay to be content in your skin. Learn who you are, Rob. Heal so you can give your all to a positive mutual blossoming interaction. Learn to be you, embrace what is incredible about you. Pursue who you are rather than trying to rescue, smother, fix someone else.
Man, you sound like you are just waiting for any bone or crumb thrown your way by her. I sense quite a bit of despair in your posts. You paint a picture of her as damaged goods in need of repair and I wonder why you are staying in limboland this early in a relationship that has not reached a deep intimacy level.
You need to get out and just be happy Rob. Get your confidence level back up. Talk to ladies in everyday life with no expectations. Go to the golf range and find a station next to a lady and make some idle chit chat.
Have you ever considered getting Grace involved in the Girl Scouts? There are lots of mothers that attend the troop meetings.
Rob, you should not be pinning all your hopes on one lady right now. Think outside the box.
PS. Your Dawgs did ok against the Ducks. Maybe more success next year for them.
Dump her and stop this nice guy routine.. It is no wonder she doesn't have feelings. You are sounding more feminine that she does.
IT DOESN'T WORK..
She is NOT interested in you for a romantic relationship.
It isn't rocket science. When a woman LIKES you in the correct way they do NOT do what she is doing. They make it EASY for you because they want you to know they care...
You have to stop this nice guy, wimp style, routine...
Toughen up.. DUMP HER.. Do NOT call her EVER again.
Get out and start dating around.. Get back on the horse and get this loser out of your life.. She is toxic... She doesn't like you ENOUGH..
Face the facts.. REALITY.. Toughen up.
I am telling you the truth.. Men that ARE successful with women do NOT do what you are doing... They HIT the road. That is why the women chase them...
Gypsy, Kerry, gucci loafer - Thank you. I am listening and I hear you clearly.
This isn't a healthy relationship and I know what needs to be done, but I'm still sick about it. I've invested a lot w/GF in a short time, but in the end, I've not looked out for myself while we've been together.
It has all been about her and that is unhealthy. I have to take care of me or anything I do relationship-wise is doomed to fail.
I'm stepping way, way back. If she contacts me, I won't be rapidly returning her call/text. I may have to do what loafer suggests and not return it ever.
Regardless of what the future holds for me I have to change my outlook on an R. I'm not being the man I am, but have fallen back into old patterns of behavior.
Not good. Thanks for helping me along. Thanks for the blunt, straight-forward words and support.
I'm still very bummed by this, but that will pass. This is all still very fresh and I need time.
RTL - That is what these "bounce-back" relationships are like - but you learn from them and move on. I did similar things and got similar results (without getting myself too emotionally attached, lucky for me). Now, just focusing on me, and realizing that I still have more to learn before I am ready for another R.
Tell us how work is, how is D6 - what will she be for Halloween?
I did get very attached emotionally and I'm paying for it now. It is tough, but a pattern of mine to fall quickly...part of my Scorpio nature to want to nest right away.
Thus, it is tough to let go. Time is again the friend to me.
).