At this point, I feel so defeated and also some sort of a yo-yo. This past 2 weeks, I feel as if, mentally and emotionally, I have really taken a few steps back.
Its difficult to keep smiling and going....when I feel upset and isolated and just depressed. I have my own life, which consists of work...and I am so busy and consumed with it that I have no time for other things. There is no enjoyment. No moments of happiness. I used to love to just sit and read a good romance...well, that is NOT happening.
I need to find some time....and I need to plan some small moments of happiness for myself. I have not been very proactive in this area. And its been more difficult this last 2 weeks....I think about him every night...I had started NOT doing that...I used to just fall asleep thinking about work and I'd wake up...think about him, but then be rushing to get ready to start my day. And I would sort of lose myself in my work and the days were passing by.....I'm not even sure how I made it thru these last few months.....I guess one day at a time.
I need to go back to that....taking things one day at a time and just concentrate on doing something nice for myself each day. Is that too much????
I was thinking last weekend, I played around with my plants and it was the first time I have felt relaxed in a long time. I think I will try that again. Maybe just go buy a new small plant.....hm...some food for thought.
I am getting more angry with exH and just wish he would grow up and accept his life. I'm having a real time being patient and waiting.....I deserve so much better than this...and at the same time....I sort of got myself into this mess...didn't catch things in time and let myself sorta get into this comfort zone...I mean who lets their marriage fall apart in 4 years. I just took it for granted that it was forever. If we had to work on things, we had time....we would. SIGH.
Anyways, I'm just down and haven't been able to pick myself up and just needed to vent....I think I will focus on doing one thing for myself every day. I will just have to figure out what every morning! That's a start at least.
