I think your H could not have given a more perfect answer or handled the deal with the cookbooks any better than what he did. However, I don't think any PJ's would be worth the risk of appearing to be insensitive to your H's feelings. He may wonder why you were hanging on to some PJ's another man gave you. And, seeing you wear them might not set as well as knowing you have cookbooks setting on a shelf. Can't look at PJ's with the same eyes as you do cookbooks....know what I mean? Even though your H sounds fantastic, it just seems inappropriate....even if they aren't sexy. JMHO.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
My humble opinion for what it is worth is to give the gifts away. If it were me, I would want a reminder of the past in the house, you are moving forward into a new relationship with your H and I personally feel it is better to remove these things that represent an OM or OW. Others may disagree but that is just my opinion.
"You buy furniture. You tell yourself, this is the last sofa I will ever need in my life. Buy the sofa, then for a couple years you're satisfied that no matter what goes wrong, at least you've got your sofa issue handled. Then the right set of dishes. Then the perfect bed. The drapes. The rug. Then you're trapped in your lovely nest, and the things you used to own, now they own you."
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Thanks, folks. I concur - they need to go. While I was sorting cookbooks, I found a hand copied recipe for "OW's Meatloaf" in H's handwriting. Grrrr!
I folded it in half and tucked it into his socks/underwear drawer where he put the photos of her when he took them off the wall. Eventually, I will ask him to get rid of them. Not just yet, tho. They're fine out of sight in the drawer.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
I might be jumping the gun in my sitch, but I know my W has received various gifts from OM, and I find myself pondering how I'll broach that subject should we eventually get to the point where it's relevant. I agree with Coach, they have to go, but I sympathise with you. It's a conversation I'm not looking forward to.
Get rid of them. Don't need those reminders hanging around.
My W still has 2 things from OM, a glass he bought her while on vacation with his family and directions he sent her to his new place after he left the area.
W has agreed to get rid of the glass, has it in a bag at work to bring home so I can DESTROY it. I don't think she even remembers the directions are in her purse so if I said anything to her about them, she'd not like it that I was in her purse (and I haven't been for about 6 months), so that one is touchy.
She still has her favorite pair of A undies that NEED to go. W recognizes what they do to me just seeing them and hasn't warn them in probably 9 months, but they're still in her undies drawer.
The nice thing is that she DOES finally recognize that those are things that really affect me and has agreed to get rid of them.
Ok, that was an awful long way to say get rid of them.
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
H (taking my hands): They can stay. I accept you. He is a part of your past, and in accepting you, I accept him and them, too.
I would first acknowlege the spirit of this appreciatively and as being true and workable for him, and then go on to say something that expresses this --
Originally Posted By: Dia
I think the cookbooks and the jammies need to go, regardless of his generous statement. I'm not going to comb through the house looking for possible gifts of hers to make him get rid of, but these items will remind *me* of OM every time I touch them.
-- as being *your* truth, then act accordingly.
So nobody can, in the absence of open communication, get the impression that anyone is feeling pressured or P/A guilted into anything.
"Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you someone who's covering mistakes. Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert
