Ok, Blackie, you know that I am your biggest fan and am pulling for you sooo hard but you are going to get blasted right now--prepare yourself, man! lol
So this is what's going thru your wife's mind: "He didn't want me all those years and all of a sudden he does. He's just trying to get me back and then he will revert right back to his old behavior. I am so ANGRY at him for the rejection and I want to punish him for it severely. How do I know that he is sincere? WHY WHY WHY does he want me now, when he didn't want me then? I am the same person! I am afraid to trust him."
If you rush her, or in any way give off a vibe that says that you are getting impatient, you will set yourself back a million steps. She will get indignant and think to herself "Well HE made me wait indefinitely and now that HE decides that he's horny, I'm supposed to just melt into his arms?!"
Look, the hurt and destruction that occurs when one's sexual self is destroyed is very very deep and quite hard to re-build. If my husband had ever acted impatient or as if I didn't have a right to feel as I did, I don't know what would have happened.
So stay cool and continue to act as you are--horny and loving. It seems to be having an effect on her; how could it not! You are doing so well, don't let impatience drive you to do something that will push her away.
Have you given any thought to what kinds of things you are going to do to make this feeling a permanent thing in Blackrook's personality? Cause it would be awful sad if you got her back, only to find the horny feelings disappearing as soon as things are secure again. Make a plan, get some goals going, and I KNOW you will be successful!
Also, once you have thought it through and decided what sorts of changes you are willing to make, do you think your wife would be interested in hearing them? If you were to say, "Honey I know this was the primary reason for you wanting the D, and these are the changes that I am going to make. (and then outline them) This has been a wake up call for me, and I realize that no matter what happens with us, I need to be a better person. If these changes were to happen, would that change the way you felt about our R?"
Here was my personal list of changes that my H made, just to help you see what it was that I wanted out of our sexual relationship: 1. Be more passionate--show me signs OUTSIDE the bedroom that you find me sexy and attractive. 2. If you feel uncomfortable behaving like this in front of the kids, whisper it in my ear or send me emails. 3. Act excited about the idea of making love to me. 4. Up the frequency of our love making. 5. Do something different once in a while that I'm not expecting. i.e., climb in the shower with me, kiss me passionately when no one is looking, request lingerie, etc.
Blackie, he has done all this and more. I know that you would be the same way...you could far exceed her expectations. I am really thrilled with the progress we have made together. The above list might not apply to you at all, but I am including it so that you can see that she will need hard evidence before she begins to trust you. She will need to know exactly HOW you plan on being different because simply saying, I will do better in the future, is NOT going to cut it with her.
I think you are doing so well. Keep up the good work and being a sexy and attractive guy and she will find it irresistable!
