Well H just left after spending about 3 hours here. He came by to clear his things out of the garage before winter sets in here in the Great White North. Surprisingly, he STILL didn't manage to get everything.
I had a bad cold and have been hoarse for the last 2 days. Recovering today with a raspy voice. When H arrived he immediately climbed up on the roof to take down a giant branch that had fallen onto the roof. He also carried a heavy teak patio table to the 2nd floor storage area above the garage. We had talked about both these things a couple days before but H remembered and did these things right after arriving.
I had curried squash soup simmering in the crockpot and the cinnamon and cumin spice scents filled the house. My H used to like this soup. Both H and BMF commented on the wonderful scent.
We had about 1 1/2 hours alone together before his BMF arrived with a truck.
H: "We can throw that (I forget what it was) away". Me: (Looking at H in the eyes) "You're not much for recycling, are you? I have a very clear recollection of standing at the kitchen counter one day when you were talking about how you were going to throw such-and-such away because it would be too hard to repair and you could get a new one. I remember wondering that day if you were going to throw ME away the same way." H: (Looking surprised) "You thought that?" Me: "Yeah."
Then I saw an opportunity to interject something that Jody had coached me to tell H when I had the chance.
Me: "You know that I have been in therapy for the past year....and I forgave you along time ago for leaving.....and I forgave myself for the doing the things that made you so unhappy that you left." H: (It was quite interesting that H looked open to me. He did NOT look like there was a wall up. I could tell by the look on his face that my words were registering with him.) "I know that."
Not much else to report other than as H was leaving he turned to me, gave me a nice hug and said "Don't be a stranger". As he turned and walked down the back sidewalk I said "You'll have to initiate if that's what you want". Don't know whether he even heard me but I was voicing my frustration. Probably not great DB'ing.
So, the main thing that I think I learned today is that H has softened in his feelings toward me. Don't really know what that means since Dday is 2 weeks away now. My sister says that H's continued unwillingness to try reconciling in spite of his obvious caring for me says that facing his inner demons is even scarier than facing life without me. The only thing I know at this point is that I have peace in the knowledge that I have done everything that I could possibly do to restore my M.
