Spouse Suffering From Depression

[Lucky11too]

So totally dissappointed about this weeked. Had a few breakdowns (but luckily not in front of H). H came over after work on Fri night (he works the night shift) and we had a great time together. The next day I let him sleep in cause I knew he was tired from work and I got up with our S at 5:45am (early even for him)! H finally got up at noon and when he went to go see S, S didn't want to come to him. S just stood there clinging on to me. I felt a little bad for H, but really, what do you expect when you're never around. So then we were supposed to go to the pumpkin patch, but H said he was still too tired and that it would be too crowded, etc. So then H preceeds to take a nap on the couch. Poor S, who now wants to play with H, keeps going over to the couch to get H to play with him. H would either just sleep thru it or give him a little smile and go back to sleep. It broke my heart. The little look on S's face...he just looked so confused (he's only 13 months)! I'm just so glad he's not any older and still not really able to understand what's going on. Finally, got H up a little later for some lunch, had a nice lunch, talked a little bit about his depression (nothing really useful though), and then H had to leave to go get ready for work again. Then he says that he won't be coming back Saturday night cause he'll just be too tired from work. That frustrated me b/c I knew he was tired, but somehow he manages during the week to go out drinking and still go to work the next day. Why couldn't he just suck it up this time in order to spend time with me and his S? Aren't we important enought? Obviously not! Just so frustrated. I had my final breaking point this morning, when S fell and his nose started bleeding everywhere. I was just so angry that I was having to deal with this all on my own - why wasn't he here to help me right then when I needed him...*sigh.

Well as horrible as this weekend was for me, it might still have done some good with him, since all my interactions with him were very positive, no R talk, just enjoying each other. He made some comments about future stuff, about going to dinner at this one restaurant I wanted to try, but he hardly ever follow thru on things. We'll just have to wait and see I guess. It just really stinks to have to put your own emotions on hold all just to make sure to not set him off again...so difficult...but I am proud of myself still for sticking with my DBing this weekend. What next?...I just don't know...