yup, on top of that, go out and get a dozen cardboard boxes for her, ask her to start getting her things together and look for another place to live, tell her you're ok with this marriage being over if she doesn't care about it and if she doesn't care about the marriage or the kids, why does she need to live their with you & kids? She's living the single life, she might as well pursue a single life somewhere else, follow it up with this: "I can help you pack your stuff and help you move out, I don't mind" - if you do this, make it convincing, smile even, you have to believe it if you want her to believe it.
If she wants a single life with no responsibilities, you want a single life too, which means without her.
I really agree with RobX. Shortly after my H dropped the bomb he started going out every night and staying out until all hours which he NEVER did during the week prior to the bomb.
Eventually I told him our home was not a hotel for him to sleep and shower at for him to come and go as he pleases and sidestep all responsibility he had here. He told me he was going out so much to give me space from the bomb (read: he was filled with guilt and couldnt even stand to look at the pain he caused me) but somehow turned it around as if he was doing me a favor.
If you do request she move out though be fully prepared for it to happen. Dont use it as a threat tactic. Once my H moved out he never looked back (he was having an affair) but would stop by once in a while when he was bored enough or had some time before he had to meet his GF. I nipped that in the bud ASAP. As long as he was having an affair, using OUR funds to treat his GF and using OUR car to date he was not welcome in MY home. If he needed to pick something up he was told to wait outside and I would come out for him. He was not allowed to call here unless he arranged it ahead of time with me and I pretty much regulated him to e-mail only.
This all began in March of 2008. We sign our final official legal separation papers this week and as of Nov. 1 we will be legally separated. Funny, nearly 21 months later (and his affair is still ongoing but filled w/drama and constant problems as per what he told me) NOW he wants to keep the door open and have us get to know one another again.
He had that option for close to 2 years. I will NEVER be anybodys fall back option. And you shouldnt either.
I am in no way suggesting you be ugly or unkind about it but be firm. The WAS for some odd reason feels its okay to have the single life and the married life when it suits them and the LBS should just tolerate it. No.
go out and get a dozen cardboard boxes for her, ask her to start getting her things together and look for another place to live, tell her you're ok with this marriage being over if she doesn't care about it and if she doesn't care about the marriage or the kids, why does she need to live their with you & kids? She's living the single life, she might as well pursue a single life somewhere else, follow it up with this: "I can help you pack your stuff and help you move out, I don't mind" - if you do this, make it convincing, smile even, you have to believe it if you want her to believe it.
excellent advice. NOTE: boxes are cheaper at home depot then at u-haul.
I to lived in a self-imposed limbo land for too long, and the what I learned and the advice that I can give is the longer you allow it the harder it is to get out of it. The sooner you take control of this situation the sooner she is going to have to face the reality of her desicions. plus, you will not have to think about getting or consciously try to get a positive mental attitude, you will just have one.
W: I luv you but not in luv. Doesn't want to go to retro. No marriage counseling because it's all my fault. Talks to me texts me. Went on a couple of dates by her suggestion 6 weeks ago. None since. No physical contact other than a tap on the shoulder. Going no where fast. Room mates with kids.
H:37 W:34 D11,S8,S6 Together 19 years M:10 Bomb:4/09
Everyone thanks forthe advice. I don't know if I'm ready or aable to kick her out. I travel and someone needs to be here to take care of the kids.
I need to move forwad I'm standing up to her more. Not leting her project her feelings on me. I'm not reallyin a position to kick her out. Any other ideas on how to express my frustrations.
I did go out the night before until 130-200. and slept on the sofa because of my snoring. She had moved the previous two nights.
H:37 W:34 D11,S8,S6 Together 19 years M:10 Bomb:4/09
J, the goal here is not to "express frustrations." The goal is to take a stand for YOURSELF, which has the simultaneous benefit of being attractive long-term to a woman.
